Loved

Ever since I was a little girl, I always wanted a surprise party thrown for me. Granted, that statement probably makes me sound a bit egotistical, but I always looked at people who had surprise parties thrown for them as being truly loved. I have known my entire life that I am loved from family and friends galore but a deep part of me from childhood still longed for that surprise party.

Well, this Wednesday night, my longing was fulfilled. My close friends at Carson Newman completely surprised me with a Going Away Party. As I walked into my friend's house, thinking I was arriving to surprise another friend for her birthday, I walked into a room of people whom I love deeply at CNC. I was surrounded in love by people who journeyed with me these past four years and who make my life complete. In this room my friends represented all different aspects of my past four years, and I was reminded of what rich community I come from at CNC.

UBUNTU is one of my favorite ideas arising out of South Africa, "I am because we are." And in that house Wednesday night, UBUNTU was alive. I am because of all the people who gathered Wednesday night. Every laugh, tear, late night chat, faith discussion, coffee date, walk, run, prank, Wal-Mart visit, and fun I have had these past four years with the people that gathered helped shape me into who I am today. I am forever grateful for those gathered in that room on Wednesday because in that room Wednesday I was reminded that friendships do matter and time spent loving people for who they are really does matter. I give thanks to God for blessing me with such wonderful people whom I am lucky enough to call "friend."

Words from Church

This morning I had the privilege to speak at my home church to share about my upcoming journey to Cape Town. I shared how I've gotten to the point of desiring to return to Living Hope and why. I thought it may be beneficial to share my words with you. I hope this reflection begins to give you a glimpse at my heart about this journey. Enjoy.

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This past summer, I had the privilege to go to Cape Town, South Africa for two weeks as a part of a Missions Immersion experience with Carson Newman. While there, I took two classes and volunteered for an organization called Living Hope. It is an organization started by pastor John Thomas of Fishoek Baptist Church in Cape Town. Living Hope seeks to bring the hope and compassion of Jesus Christ to the chronically sick and dying in a holistic way and do everything possible to prevent the spread of HIV and AIDS. While there, it was an eye opening, life changing experience. I was well informed of facts and figures dealing with poverty, HIV/AIDS, and hunger before I left. But, no longer is poverty merely statistics to me. Poverty has faces and names of people I love: Faith, Samuel, Christy, Carolyn, Felisha, and Brandon to name a few.

Once returning, the people whom I grew to love in South Africa were a part of me and I could not let them go. In South African spirituality, there is a term for this: known as UBUNTU. It means I am because we are. UBUNTU is the idea that we are all human therefore we are all connected. It is that connectedness to the people in Cape Town that is leading me back there for this coming semester. But, I would not be at this place in my faith in wanting to go and serve f it was not for my connectedness to you.

First Baptist Church is UBUNTU to me as well. I am because of you all. Every Sunday school lesson, GA function, youth group activity, choir practice, Big Church sermon, smiling face, comforting hug, and encouraging word these past 21 years by this Body of Christ helped form me. I am able to forge ahead in my journey as the hands and feet of Christ to those in South Africa because you all were the hands and feet of Christ to me first. I learned the importance of selfless service and love and what that looks like from you. So on February 10th when I head back to volunteer for 10 weeks with Living Hope as a Life Skills Educator in the Capricorn Township, I am not going alone to serve, but I am going with all of you who are a part of me.

This past year has been an amazing journey for me. I am at a point in my journey where I feel most at home and at peace volunteering and loving on the people of South Africa who have lost hope due to the despair that apartheid, poverty and the AIDS pandemic created. I am at a point in my life where I am learning what true faith looks like: it means letting go of all my selfish desires in order be bold and follow the path before me. It may not be the easiest path to take but it is the path which is before leading me towards Cape Town.

Some of you have asked how you may help. I ask that you will begin to pray for me and for my journey back to Cape Town. Pray that I will be open to however God leads and works in me the 10 weeks that I am there. Pray for my family as we are all getting used to the idea of me being on another continent in some unsafe conditions Pray that this opportunity is another point along my journey that continues to define and shape me into the person Christ created me to be.

Fredrick Buechner, one of my favorite Christian authors stated, “The hardest thing about really seeing and really hearing is when you have to do something about what you’ve seen and heard.” From my years at First Baptist, attendance and work at Passport camps, education at Carson Newman, internship at the Baptist Joint Committee in DC, conversations with family and friends, and two weeks spent in South Africa, I cannot deny that I have seen and heard God speak. Now I must go and do something about what I have seen and heard. Throughout the gospels, Christ calls us to go, and Christ is calling me to go back to Living Hope this spring. I pray that you will continue to be a part of this journey with me.

time

Time is a funny thing. At times, it seems like life (time for that matter) drags on. Yet at others, it seems like it goes by in a blink of an eye. For example, some days my internship in DC seems so far away. It is as if I can feel all 365 days that separate me from that experience. Yet other days, the experience, people, and life I lived there seem like it happened yesterday. For that matter, some days my childhood seems like light years away yet as I recently read a note from my Pappy, I could vividly remember the sights, sounds, and smells of my grandparents house on Davis and all the wonderful memories.

My contemplation of time has hit an increased interest recently as I ponder the 3 weeks that separate me from South Africa. I am wondering how am I going to get everything done? How am I going to fit in seeing everyone I want to see? How are the tasks of packing, planning Mudball, throwing together a Global Outreach coffee house, finishing my class work and running a successful Mortar Board membership drive going to be accomplished in 3 weeks? I am wondering how amidst the busyness I can fully prepare myself for this journey that is about to take place? I am praying that I am able to fully invest in the here and now yet continue to prepare my heart for the experience that I am embarking on. I am realizing that these three weeks left in Tennessee do not only symbolize a time of preparation but a time of ending.

By choice, my college experience is coming to a close as a missionary in South Africa instead of in Waffle House runs, pranks, fondue, aerobics and laughter with my close community of Carson Newman friends. It is a choice that I know is the right one for me, but I am also seeing each moment that I get closer to South Africa as a moment that has passed for me to spend with my community. This reality is truly bitter-sweet because never before have I felt so called to go and live out the Gospel yet in doing so, it means sacrifice of leaving the comfort and familiarity of my community. But I am trusting, praying and walking in faith that I may enjoy the moments in the here and now with my community of family and friends while I allow God to prepare my heart for the journey ahead.

I am 3 weeks away and though it is bittersweet, my heart is glad. I have 20 days to not over look the here and now, but instead continue to see each day with my community as a gift. I pray that as each day South Africa draws near will be a day where my heart continues to grow and overflow with excitement for this next part of my journey.

I'm Not a Blogger but I'm Going to Try

I must confess, I am not a blogger. Do I enjoy writing? Yes. Do I like publishing my thoughts for others to read? Not so much. I blame it on the perfectionist within me. I have felt that if I blog then people will not read for content and for what I'm trying to convey from my heart but instead read for the grammar mistakes and whether what I am writing is "deep." Well, I quickly realized I must get over that insecurity as I head on this return journey to Cape Town, South Africa.

In the weeks and months to follow, therefore, will be my thoughts and experiences leading up to my departure date on February 10th as well as my thoughts and experiences while I am there for 10 weeks volunteering for Living Hope as a Life Skills Educator Assistant.

I cannot promise you that you will always leave with some profound thought after you read my blog (although, deep down, I wish you would), but I do hope as you journey with me in this next phase of my life you will better see where my heart is and what God is doing through this experience.