Have you ever wanted?

Today was my 5^th day off and while it has been nice to have time off for Holiday, the days off came at an interesting time. The interesting time is that the reality that I am leaving in 16 days has hit. With that reality, much thinking occurs. Now, if you know me well you know that my brain never stops thinking, but when I have extra free time like these past 5 days, my brain goes on overdrive thinking mode. This evening after returning from the Waterfront the thoughts about here, there and everywhere flooded my head. I knew I needed quiet time to think, pray, and reflect. At one point during that time, I turned my Ipod on and began to be soothed by song. One song in particular came on by Shawn McDonald. In the song, he kept singing, “Have you ever wanted?” Well that got me to thinking….right now I am at a time where I am wanting a lot as my journey to South Africa is coming to a close quicker than what I realized.

I want these next 15 days to go by slowly. When I signed up for 10 weeks, I did not realize how quickly that time would pass. It seems that right as I am forming strong community and ministry, I am leaving it as quickly as I found it.

I want these next 15 days to go by quickly. A part of me thinks that if these next 15 days go by quickly then I will not continue to get attached to the people here. There is a huge part of me that knows the leaving is going to be painful no matter when I leave so a part of me wants these days to fly by quickly so I won’t be even more attached to this place that I must leave.

I want Ocean View to be transformed. I want poverty to be eradicated here. I want Christians to stand up for what is right and do something about the problems that plague the world. I want Meagan and Bianca and Kristen and Octavia to become empowered through education to be able to break the norm here.

I want my transition back at Carson Newman to not be painful like it was after returning from camp in 2008 and after returning from DC in 2009. I want my friends to embrace me for who I am, not who I used to be. I want them to love me even if they don’t “get me.” I want to enjoy all the last senior moments I’m about to experience.

I want to return to Cape Town at some point in my life. I desire to come back and make this place community for me at some point in my life, hopefully sooner than later.

I want to live in the moment these last days, and I want to return home continuing to live in the moment there. I want to be able to dwell on my time in South Africa but not get stuck in the dwelling to miss out on life in front of me.

I want to continue to live the life God called me to boldly, unashamedly, patiently, and diligently. I want to strive to continually be transformed each day into the person God breathed life into 21, almost 22, years ago.