When you know it is right...

People continue to ask how I am, if I’m homesick etc. My response continues to be, “I’m at peace here. I miss home, and I miss my family and friends. But I am at peace. I know this is right.” Here are just a few reasons why I know it is “right.”

1. Each morning as I rise I am excited about the adventure of the day. I don’t feel a sense of dread or of wishing I were somewhere else.

2. I laugh here…all the time!! Now I am generally a happy, optimistic, glass half full kind of girl and I love to laugh. Back home I especially love the belly laughs I experience with my mom and Melodie. I get those belly laughs at least once a day if not more here.

3. I am being stretched. Each day is not a cake walk. Every day has challenges and growing opportunities. Every day I am learning a bit more about myself and God. This summer a friend said, “Molly, shouldn’t we live each day praying God reveals more of God’s self to us? Isn’t that what journeying is all about?” I feel that that occurs here.

4. I feel at peace. In the fall at CNC, I was content but not at peace. It was a great but hard semester. But this semester, peace abounds in my soul.

5. I see Christ in children, adults, teens, whites, blacks coloreds each day. Each day I get to see God’s creativity and beautiful creations in each one of us. Every day I realize more and more how God is with us; in us; among us.

6. Each night I look at the stars in awe knowing there is no other place I’d rather be standing in the presence of our God.

7. When I’m not around my Ocean View and Mountain View kids I really miss them!! Now, I like kids but generally have never had a desire to be with children 24/7 until being here. They all bring joy to my life in a unique, special way.

8. I love it here more the second time then I ever did the first. That concept is hard for me to grasp because I fell in love here this summer. My love for this place this time, however, far surpasses this summer.

9. Each day I realize another part of my past experience that shaped me, molded me, and prepared me for being here.

10. I found a community of friends here. Now granted, I am Lea Ann’s daughter so I know how to become a friend with just about anyone, but it is different here. I know that some of these friendships will last for a lifetime, just like the community of friends I met and kept from camp.

These are just a few reasons why I know it is right. I am sure there will be more to come.

I’m off to the Argus race this morning bright and early…I will blog about it and my “touristy” weekend soon I am sure!! Please be in prayer for tomorrow, Monday March 15^th. I have my WAIT scholarship interview at 1:30 eastern/12:30 central time.

Peace be upon all of you. Know that my love for each of you stretches across the oceans and continents.

Decisions, decisions...

Some of you may know this and some may not. While here in Cape Town, I have to decide where the next three years of my life will be spent: North Carolina or New Jersey. Newer, smaller, more opportunities to create a unique program tailored to me or larger, world renowned, established institution. I have made the pros and cons lists. I have prayed and listened. I have had a few sleepless nights. I have questioned. I have talked to mentors and friends, and now I must decide. My dad keeps on telling me, “Molly, trust the process. You won’t go wrong.” And I know that is true, but yet my heart has been in turmoil these past few days. I am about to share some reasons why I think I am in such angst, and as you read them, please pray with me through them.

Princeton is the logical choice. I got in. It is something I’ve always wanted. It’s a phenomenal academic institution and near so many inner city opportunities, yet Princeton itself is in an academic bubble. I would be moving to an extremely rich town where the middle class does not exist. I’d be going to a place that by its name alone could open doors for my career. But I also would be going to a place where students would try to one up each other on “brilliance,” and I wonder as we did that if I’d lose sight of the echo within me? But, by saying no to Princeton, a part of me may always wonder, “what if?” or if I “settled.” At the heart of it, by saying no to Princeton I think I may disappoint others and people who’s opinions I love and cherish may think I made a “wrong choice” or may not understand. Princeton may be an opportunity I may never have again. Princeton really is an amazing choice, yet why do I still so torn by saying "yes" to it?

Wake Forest is a place I know I’d fit in and love. Wake Forest is a place where I am “kind of” known. I mean, I do not know everyone there but three people on faculty know my family, and I know some students who attend. I know that Wake would stretch me and I would grow, but I also know I’d still be in my comfort zone a bit. Wake is a place where I know I could make my degree my own, have wonderful internship opportunities in NYC, take some law classes, and learn from some of the same people my dad did. (If I end up at Wake, I cannot wait until I turn a paper into Tupper early and he say, “You are Ross Brummett’s daughter turning something in early?!” J ) But, at Wake a part of the downside is that I am known. I think at Carson Newman I’ve always wondered did I get to where I am because of my dad’s help and the fact I was a “faculty kid” or on my own merit? Was I able to excel at CNC because it was comfortable and I wasn’t afraid to jump right in? I really don’t want to have those same questions at Wake. But, one of the things I love at Wake is the fact of the intimate community there which I had experienced at CNC for not only the past 4 years but the past 21, almost 22 years. Wake has great strengths, and I see myself there because in Wake I see the things I loved most at CNC.

I ultimately want to live a life where I make a difference. I wane to live a life where I don’t preach saying we need to help the poor, but I become one with the poor. I want to know those whom I minister to. I want to build community. I want to be a part of the reconciliation and restoration of the Church. I want to live a life pleasing to God. I want these next three years to continue to be transformative. I want to increase my knowledge as well as increase my ability to minister well. I want to be able to trust the inner voice within me, and when I finally decide know I made the right choice for me.

Please pray with me and for me these next days and weeks until April 1^st when I must decide. On March 15^th I have a critical interview with Wake Forest about a fellowship, and around that day I should be hearing from Princeton as well about finances. It is funny because before coming to Africa I wanted to get so far away from everyone’s opinions and thoughts on grad school because I felt stifled. Yet now that I am thousands of miles away from my community of support, I long for that stifled feeling again. I know, however, that it is good I am here making this decision because I know when I decide the decision will be mine. I hope and pray it will be a decision in which I am strong enough to trust the voice within as I continue to move down the lit path.

Exciting Opportunity in Ocean View

Monday night I attended a planning meeting for a Women’s Rally being held in Ocean View on March 20^th. Sarah Prince, an amazing minister and friend here felt an extreme burden for the women here in Ocean View and prayed for God to open doors and reveal what she could do about it. Hence, the idea of a Women’s Rally. At this rally we are focusing upon empowering women, bringing them together to fight domestic violence, and showing them they are of worth!! The rally is the jumping off point for Women’s Groups that will begin in Ocean View following the rally. Monday night as we gathered, discussed, and prayed, God stirred in me multiple thoughts about the reality of the situation.

Women are daily abused in Ocean View by husbands, boyfriends, and lovers. I see this abuse on the streets so I can’t begin to imagine what goes on behind closed doors. After a man hits a woman she feels like she is of no worth. Yet, she stays. This is not only true in Ocean View but throughout the entire world. As we met Monday night our hearts yearn for these women, for all women, to realize they are of worth. We are each created in the image of God. We do not need a man, be he abusive or not, to complete us. But we are all made complete in Christ. As I sat in the room discussing the Women’s Rally, my heart ached for women who are in domestic abuse situations. My heart ached for women who are forced to submission. My heart ached for our great misunderstanding of Paul’s words about submission. My heart ached most for friends back home who’s worth is in their relationship. Now, I do not have much room to speak because I once was that girl. My worth was found in whether or not I was dating or what guy was into me. But NO! We are worth so much more than that!! God did not create women to be silent or to be forced to submission. God did not create relationships to be places where the male dominates over the female. I really feel God wants us to be in relationships where both people compliment one another but do not complete the other. For I am finding in Ocean View as well as with others I know, it is when a woman thinks her completeness is only found in the man that problems arise. I hope and pray that on March 20^th will be a day where the women of Ocean View can come together and begin to realize their worth. I hope and pray that I along with them will continue to realize my worth in Christ. I hope and pray that March 20^th is a day which begins a renewal for the wonderful women in Ocean View.

Just a few stories...

Throughout my time here, I hear stories of things that occur within the townships. As I hear these stories my heart aches and the shock is evident from my face. Yet those who tell the stories have lost the shock factor. Their hearts still ached, but stories like these are so commonplace that these stories are life, not an exception to normalcy. As I share some of these stories I do not share them to scare you but instead share them for you to realize the reality of those who I’m working with.

First, this past week we discussed Human Trafficking in Kids Clubs. We did this because Human Trafficking is a reality in South Africa and is becoming a greater threat with the World Cup drawing near. On Friday at LSE training, each team shared what they did to begin explaining to the children Human Trafficking. As the Massai team shared they noted that as they spoke children began weeping because one little boy who had been missing from club for about 2 weeks was trafficked. A man came into the township telling the boy he’d take him to the store to buy an ice cream. Now the boy hasn’t been seen for 2 weeks. Human trafficking is a reality here.

Second, a girl that attends Teen Club in Ocean View confided in an LSE that her best friend has been getting paid by her uncle to sleep with him. Her friend has a mother who is a dead-beat and has little brothers and sisters to look after. With the weight of life on her shoulders to provide for her siblings, she is selling her 13 year old body to this 30 year old man. The friend who confided in Meagan feels terribly responsible for what happened. She feels so guilty that her friend is now sleeping with her uncle she ran away. No one has seen or heard from her since Thursday.

Third, Melissa, an LSE I work with who quickly became a friend finally opened up how her brother died. He was walking home from a friend’s house one night and got caught being in the wrong part of Ocean View at the wrong time. He walked into a gang fight without realizing it and was stabbed to death. He had no affiliation with either gang but became their target one dreadful night. He had child who is now fatherless. He had a family who loved him. He had a mother who became so distraught after his death that she died 6 months later. Within a 6-month span Melissa lost both her brother and mother before she was even 16. The saddest part about this is that Melissa isn’t the only one. This happens every day in Ocean View.

Fourth, the 10-12 years I work with in Ocean View are addicted to meth and marijuana. Not all of the children but many of them have tried and gotten hooked on these drugs. Why? In their homes their parents are using. If their parents aren’t using then their older siblings are usually using and/ or selling. My naïve self doesn’t even know what a marijuana plant looks like yet these 10-12 years old come to Kids Club high sometimes.

Fifth, at youth at Capricorn on Friday a boy was horsing around and hit his head so hard on the concrete that he began convulsing. The leaders called his foster mom to tell her what occurred, and she took him to the hospital. But, the problem is that they don’t have health insurance and many hospitals here don’t even see patients without health insurance. So as far as we know, this little boy could have been convulsing in the waiting room, going in and out of consciousness but because his foster family cannot afford food let alone insurance, he possibly went without help Friday night.

These stories and more are common place here. I know that stories like this exist all around the world, including Jefferson City. These stories, however, are on such a grand scale here. As I hear story after story, I pray that my heart does not become numb to it all. I pray that I do not become so overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all that I stop seeking justice because I see justice as being too great a challenge to reach. I pray that as I continue to hear, see and experience these stories that the power of God continues to overwhelm me. For every tragedy faced here makes the glory of God so much sweeter. Jesus is the only steadfast hope here these people have to hold on to. Praise God they have hope in Christ unlike any I’ve ever seen or experienced.

Listening to the Echos

This week I read the book, The Echo Within by Robert Benson. (If you have not read this book, stop right now, go find it/buy it, come back read this blog and then read the book. Seriously, the book is that good!) Ok, well as you can gather, I loved this book. The ideas Benson presents are thoughts and ideas I’ve been feeling for quite some time. Every free minute I had on Wednesday I read this book. I wanted to soak it all up. One thing Benson spoke on has really been with me all week as I’ve gone throughout ministry here which I wish to share.

A theme throughout this book is that different people and experiences ignite the echo within us, and it is in those moments that God uses them for us to see our true vocation and calling. The key is what we do with those moments. Now Benson notes that God is not a puppeteer and we are merely God’s puppets, but we have choice. But no matter what choices we choose those key moments and events help shape us into becoming the person God created us to be as God breathed unique life into each of us. As I read all of this, I pondered key events and moments in my life. As I reflected, I realized that each of these moments have gotten me to this exact point. I’ve been telling my parents over and over again that this is the right time for me to be in Cape Town. I could not have come earlier and had a peace like this. So what are some of those moments in my life?

1. My family. When God breathed life into me God knew that he was giving life to a little girl who would be raised by some of the finest disciples he had. It has not been until I reached college that I’ve come to realize what a blessing it has been that I am Ross and Lea Ann’s daughter. The fact that I was raised in a home with a theologian is a blessing especially now as I want to study in that same field. The fact that I was raised in a home by a lady who knows what it means to be a friend to others is a joy. Every time a person tells me I love people well, I say, “I learned from my mother.” The fact that I was raised in a home where community and love for others was stressed daily is something I am beyond thankful for. Every conversation had at the dinner table, laughter shared, trials discussed, and tears cried with my parents has helped shape me. As I reflect upon some of those conversations it is only now that I am realizing the significance. I was raised in a home where I was encouraged to follow the beauty of my dreams. WHAT A GIFT!

2. Passport camps. When I finished 7^th grade, the preacher at Passport was Eileen Campbell Reed. This was the first experience I ever had hearing a woman pastor and WOW. I knew in that moment hearing her speak that God called amazing women to preach and a BAPTIST woman at that! In 10^th grade at Passport, I heard the echo within saying “You are called Molly Matthews Brummett to ministry. Go. Go serve in Africa. Go where I send you.” As I heard this, I could not comprehend what those words meant, but I began to surrender to God as only a 15 year old knows how. Then working the summer of 2008, at the end of camp Colleen Walker Burroughs came to end camp with us. In our end discussion of the summer she told me, “Molly, you have the gifts of a pastor.” She probably does not remember saying that, but God using her to speak that truth into me was just another instance where my ears were opened to continue to listen to the voice within.

3. My D.C. semester. I went thinking I would be interning for the organization I wanted to work for for my entire life. Instead, God slammed that door and my face and said, “Stop being so dense….be bold. Continue to follow the call. Go serve. Go minister.” In those life changing, life altering, overwhelming moments, I knew that my experience in DC would forever change the course of my life. Not only did I realize law was not supposed to be my full-time profession although I know law and the continued study of law/policy can only be a blessing and aid in my ministry, but I had the blessing of finding a church community. While in DC, Calvary Baptist rocked my world. It was a place where I saw the Church BEING the BODY OF CHRIST!! It was a place where all were welcome. It was a place where I learned each Sunday from an amazing Baptist, female pastor. It was a place where Calvary was in the community and serving it. It was an intentional place. It was a place where I knew my heart longed to be. It was a place where I heard the voice within saying, “this…this is ministry. Invest your life in things like this.”

4. My years in counseling. (Now this is a disclaimer, if you think you have everything together or if you feel like your life is falling a part…go to counseling. Counseling makes you see life in a whole new light. Seriously, get rid of the stigma you have around counseling, suck up your pride, and make an appointment. It only enhances the life Christ created you to lead….really.) Every session with Bob in high school were moments where God worked. I learned how different situations and hurts shaped me. I learned the power in forgiveness. I learned the power in standing up for myself. I learned that we all have our quirks. I learned that all the quirks within creation shows what an amazing, creative, beautiful God we have! With my sessions with Emily I allowed myself to see that my completeness came in Christ. I realized that I am a strong, independent woman and that is a wonderful thing not a hindrance. I realized that God continues to have great things in store as long as I will but keep walking. I learned that I am not a normal 21 year old, and I should not boast in that but I should rejoice in knowing God breathed life into me 21 years ago knowing that I would not be “normal” but Molly.

5. The World AIDS Day Service. Now you must know the back story in order to understand the full story. Back story: while working camp in 2008 in the gym where we had worship in New Orleans, God whispered into my heart, “Molly…GO…go do something for Africa…go do something for Africa while raising awareness at CNC…you are unlike anyone at CNC who has the unique relationships between faculty, students and staff since you were raised there…trust…GO.” Now at the time, I really had no idea what that was going to look like, but I knew it meant something. Fast forward to the fall of 2009 as I am now president of Global Outreach on campus. One job of GO is that we have the World AIDS Day Chapel as our chapel to do what we would like. Now we tried getting multiple speakers and they all fell through, and it was getting down to the wire. Then I thought…wait, Molly…you do it. Plan an intentional worship service around World AIDS Day chapel. So as I planned and prayed I had no idea what would come of the service and how students would react to the prayer experience and how they would react to the stories we share. But in the moments that I stood and spoke in FBC, I felt a peace from God like never before. In that moment I knew that this was my calling. This chapel was a time where God’s faithfulness was revealed. This was a time I will always look back upon and remember at what it means to hear the inner voice within and follow it, even when the path is not clear. As I finished speaking, I sat down and my mom was right there who surprised me and came. With tears in her eyes she smiled and said, “I witnessed your first sermon. I am so happy.” And in that moment, I knew God was thinking the exact same thing.

6. John Thomas’ words at the Team House this summer in Cape Town. Now The entire time we were here this summer we kept on hearing about John and Avril the pastor and wife who started Living Hope. One night of our time this summer, they actually came for dinner and after eating Nadine’s wonderful food, John shared. As he was telling the story of Living Hope and his journey to start it, I began weeping. I began weeping because here was a man putting words to the desires of my heart. Here was a man who was trying to live out the whole gospel. Here was a man doing with his life what I hope to one day do similarly with mine. As I sat weeping in those moments, I knew my heart was in Cape Town. I knew that those tears were saying more to me than what I even realized. It has only been with time and continued time that I will fully begin to realize what all it means. But I do know that night when John quoted Luke 4:18-19 that God was speaking directly to me. That passage of scripture had been on my heart for some time and as I understood it, got at the heart of Christ’s message. The words Christ spoke are words I felt he was encouraging us to live out as well. So as John spoke those words, I knew God was in that moment.

Now here I am back in Cape Town, back in a place where I feel the entire gospel is being attempted to be lived out. Here I am in a place where these different experiences I’ve shared have shaped me into who God created me to be. Here I am still open, willing and desiring to continue to grow more into, Molly Matthews Brummett. Here I am praying that my ears will never become deaf to the voice within. Here I am hoping that I never plan my life so rigidly that I am not open to the voice of God and how God speaks. Here I am. But where are you along your journey? As you read this, I encourage you to think about key moments and events in your life that have shaped you; moments in which the voice within speaks and you respond as you try to live out your calling. I leave you with these words from Benson, words I hope try daily to live out, “Our search for our calling us leads us to listen deep within ourselves, hoping to hear the echo within, hoping to ungarble and understand the incarnate words spoken into us, hoping to discover how to live into and out of the echo of that word as it resounds within. But we are not meant to stay within ourselves forever. We are meant to be given away, to sound out our word in the world, to give it to others.”

Reflections from a Hard Day

Today was by far my hardest day here. I am on my third week and the reality that Cape Town is not merely a mission trip but life for the next few months hit. Due to some other circumstances as well piling up, I felt a great heaviness all day. This morning I responded to an email my Dad sent. I hope by sharing the response I sent him you will continue to see more of my heart and journey here.

Thanks for the attachment dad!! It really meant a lot...made me tear up a bit. Today is a hard day for some reason. I think I'm just overwhelmed with this WAIT interview now; the weight of being here/all the sadness/brokenness/poverty; and realizing that this is becoming my home. It is my home yet it will be yet another place where I have peace and joy then must leave. In my journey of life I seem to have lots of times where I go follow God, and experience new things that challenge me, mold me and grow me, but I am never there long enough to plant deep roots.( i.e.-camp, college, DC, here.) But, I'm still trusting because that's faith, right? Trusting when you do not see? Trusting when it is hard. Daily picking up your cross, leaving everything behind, disowning yourself and following Christ wherever He leads. Oh the journey...so joyous yet so tiring at times

Monday's Questions

Ever since childhood, I’ve asked questions. My parents instilled in me the importance of asking questions and not always taking things for face value. Especially since college, my father encouraged me to “faith think” as my faith grew into my own. Well, since being in Cape Town, I’ve been faith thinking and questioning like never before. Here is a snapshot of some…

1. What is going to happen to the children who left Kids Club without a meal today? Today at Kids Club, the food deliverers forgot to bring bread and fruit for the children. After waiting 30 minutes after club for the food to arrive, the went away with empty stomachs. My heart wrenched as they went away because I know many of them are going to bed on a completely empty stomach that has been empty since Friday. Why? Why are they starving and I have never once wondered where my next meal will come from? Why do they never know what it feels like to be full, yet I gorged myself with sweets this weekend? What would happen if we Americans stopped being the “obese nation” and learned how to share some food? Would the next generation of children not have to go hungry?

2. What is going to happen to Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather tonight? A part of my ministry here is that every Monday morning the teenage prostitutes of Ocean View come to the Ocean View office and hang out with us. We play games, laugh, enjoy a snack, and build friendships. Today was the first day where girls showed up, and it was a WONDERFUL time. They taught me their version of pool, and I learned all the tricks of winning dominos. Mokes, Cheyenne and Heather laughed at my attempts to pronounce Afrikaans words, and I loved making them smile. For two hours, these girls were able to act their age: 16. Yet, when they left they were headed to the street to sell their bodies in order to make money to feed their siblings. When I was 16 I worried myself over making straight As, I had no worries over whether or not a man would pick me up so I wouldn’t starve that night. So tonight I wonder, where are Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather? Are they with an unfamiliar man? Are they hungry? Are they scared? I wonder how can they begin to understand the love of God when they equate love with paid sex? Yet again, I wonder why? Why am I the lucky one? Why am I able to keep my innocence and not them? Why?

3. How can the same God who created such a beautiful creation allow such devastation to be present within God’s creation? The natural beauty here is unlike any other I’ve ever seen, yet the devastation overwhelms this place. Why is poverty, homelessness, trash, impoverished and broken people the norm? Perhaps WE are to blame? Perhaps it is the lack of Christians taking up our crosses and following Christ into the devastation to redeem and restore?

4. Am I here out of selfish desires? Is my motive for wanting to come back and serve truly selfless? Did I come fully wanting to help or was part of my motive wanting the “experience”?

These questions and more consume me right now, but I am getting okay with the questions…I just pray to God that God will give me the strength to ask the right questions as I continue my journey here