Undone

This morning I was reading from my Blue Book, the devotional I’ve been using since Freshman year of college. (If you have not heard of one of the Brummett’s discuss the Blue Book, please call the Knoxville Young Life office right now and order one for yourself.) It is very neat that I’ve done this devotional for the past four years at different points, and each time I begin the Blue Book again new light is shed. Yes, I have done this weeks emphasis multiple times but each time, God uses it to speak to me in a new way. This weeks emphasis was “Undone.” As I began the chapter, I re-read over my notes that I had made the summer of 2008. The summer of 2008 was hands down the summer my life became 100%, totally, completely, unashamedly “undone.” It was the summer I realized the beauty in my brokenness. Since that summer, my life has never been the same. I no longer am content with the status quo. I no longer was content with the “typical” college experience or with acting like I should not care with the problems with the world. Since that moment, I was not comfortable with being content in doing half-ass works for the Kingdom. Since that summer, I was no longer content with acting like I had it all together. I realized in that summer we are all broken, and it is in admitting, believing, and living in and through our brokenness that God uses us.

One of my favorite readings for reflection from the “Undone” chapter is by Thomas Merton where he states, “Indeed, when we understand the true nature of His love for us, we will prefer to come to Him poor and helpless. We will never be ashamed of our distress. Distress is to our advantage when we have nothing to seek but mercy. We can be glad of our helplessness when we really believe that His power is made perfect in our infirmity.” What a beautiful picture of the understanding of the love of God!! As I re-read this this morning, I realized that the reason God seems so much more powerful here is that the love of God is understood by these people here in the midst of their brokenness. The brokenness is easy to spot here: poverty, AIDS, substance abuse, domestic abuse, and hunger to name a few. Many people here, unlike us, don’t have masks to put on before God. They can’t hide behind their wealth, security, house, family, career, cars, designer clothes, and fancy vacations. All they have to offer is their brokenness to God who uses their brokenness to show His power and love for them. When they receive the love of God they receive it fully because they come before Him fully broken. Now, I am not saying that we first world Christians do not come to God broken. But, I believe it takes us a lot longer to get to the point of realizing our brokenness, owning it, living in it, and coming to God with it. We are taught to not be broken but to have it all together. Now, we are taught to come to God poor and broken when we accept Christ into our lives and that God accepts us just as we are. Which is 100% totally true. But, I think where we mess up is that we don’t realize the beauty and power in recognizing and living in our brokenness. For I know in my life, once I received Christ in my life as a child and growing up, I felt this sense that since I was a Christian I was no longer supposed to be broken after receiving the Holy Spirit. IN that moment of salvation God had changed me and made me a new creation. And because I was a new creation, brokenness just meant “weak Christian.” Maybe I heard sermons wrong and misinterpreted how people were living out their faith around me to get that assumption. But regardless, it wasn’t until the summer of 2008 when I came to God fully broken and undone and was ok to stay a broken vessel for the power of God to flow through and use that my life has been transformed on levels I could never even have imagined. That is the reality I see here: broken, undone vessels all around me that God uses to bring hope, love, and compassion to all we come in contact with. Perhaps helping be a part of the Kingdom of God in the here and now means exactly what Merton said: showing people the power of God amidst their brokenness and allowing ourselves to understand the love of God amidst our continued brokenness as we join together with broken lives being restored by God, being completely open to God as we are undone, and therefore fully allowing God to use us by His power and love.

The Power of Story

On Tuesday, I had the privilege to go to the first session of Women’s Groups in Ocean View. As we gathered, we began to share stories. It was my job to think of questions to ask the women to begin to open up and share with one another. I am so thankful Sarah gave me this task because I love asking questions. More than loving to ask the questions about others, I love finding out the answers. Because I believe when every answer is given there is a story behind it. A story of life that makes the person who they are. Some of the stories shared were funny yet others wrenched my heart. One of the questions I asked was, “What is a childhood memory you miss?” Multiple women discussed times in their lives in Simons Town, Nordhoek and other areas before they were kicked out of their homes and sent to Ocean View. My heart ached because I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like to be literally kicked out of your home and community and sent to a barren area which was forced to become home. My heart also overflowed with joy because here in the Methodist Church there is now a weekly place where these women can gather and share their stories. They no longer have to feel isolated and alone in this journey of life. They can now come together and do life together. They now have a place where everyone can share their story together.

As I heard these women share their stories, it got me to thinking about my story and what has shaped me. It made me recollect the many broken parts of my life and struggles which were painful and brutal at times yet God used to create something beautiful. It made me think of the numerous wonderful times in my life full of happiness, joy and love. Tuesday night made me realize we all have a story. Stories which God continues to use to mold us, shape us, undo us, and transform us if we but let Him.

Snapshots

These past few days have been extremely busy and the few free seconds I had I spent watching Felicity. (Kendra has the entire series and I quickly became hooked!) A part of not blogging these past few days was out of busyness but a part was also out of wanting to stop time. There is a part of me that thinks if I do not write down what is going on then time would stop because I’d still be able to experience life here for a long time with no need to capture my thoughts. I know that that has no logical value nor does it make any sense except in my head. But, I do want to blog, and I know when I return home these entries will be a well-spring from which I can drink as I transition back. This entry is entitled “snapshots” because I’ve had multiple experiences these past few days that snapshots of inadequate words will bridge my experience to you.

On Thursday night I went to the Capricorn Celebration after my day ended in Ocean View. Usually when churches come to volunteer for Living Hope they host a Celebration Night one evening in the community where they are working. Shades Mountain came for the entire week and on their last night they hosted a celebration for the people of Capricorn. It is a time of fellowship, singing, testimony, sermon, and food. The evening consisted of many different feelings, thoughts and emotions for me because Capricorn was the place where I worked this summer when I came, and Thursday was my first time back to that community, but one thought in particular I want to share.

I’ve grown up hearing the miracles of Christ. I’ve seen countless skits, heard multiple sermons, reflected on thousands of devotions on the miracles, especially Jesus feeding the 5,000. It was not until Thursday night, however, that the magnitude of that event hit me. I’d always thought it was a neat story and would have been rad to witness. But on Thursday night as the hundreds of people lined up for us to feed them, there somehow seemed to be just the right amount of food. The pots of food did not look like a lot when we began but somehow every mouth was fed and some mouths were even fed twice!! In those moments of serving food, the power of Christ hit me. Here was a man who saw these people hungry, took what he could find, and fed them all. It was amazing to me to fed 200 people, I cannot begin to imagine what it looked like to feed 5,000!! It must have been such a powerful, moving moment. As we passed out food, I realized that God always provides enough. We are never without loaves and fish in our lives, whatever those things may symbolize to us at a give time. We may not always think it is enough, or we may not always be given exactly what we want. But regardless, it is enough, and it satisfies our deepest hunger.

On Friday night I received an email that greatly impacted the next step in my journey. On Friday evening I received an email from Wake Forest saying I was chosen as a Wait Fellow for the class of 2013. In that moment as I read those words, floods of emotions came over me. I was ecstatic and a friend in Cape Town got a taste of that excitement when I called him and all I could do was scream, “I got it! I got it! I got it!! AHHHHHHH!” Joy hit because I realized that Wake really is the place for me regardless of the Wait Fellowship. The Wait Fellowship is merely icing on the cake. Though excitement and joy consumed me, I was also sad because in those moments I wanted to be celebrating with and telling my close friends and family the news. Even though a tinge of sadness struck, I am thankful for being blessed to have such a wonderful community that helped get me this far and will continue to be with me on the next part of my journey.

On Saturday I participated in the Women’s Rally at Ocean View I blogged previously about. It was an amazing time as I fellowshipped there because here women gathered, churched and un-churched, young and old. They were united and enjoyed one another. So many of the women came up to me excited about the small groups that begin this week specifically for women. So many women had smiles on their faces again when you could tell the smile had been gone for a long time. I am so thankful to Pastor Sarah Prince for feeling the call, seeing the need, and meeting it for these women in Ocean View.

After I left the rally, I experienced my first RUGBY game!! (Go Stormers!!) It was such a fun time with Melanie, Kendra, Danielle, Al, Amy, Ronnie, Kenny, Carla and Clynton. Luckily Clynton knows a thing or two about Rugby so he explained the game for me to understand. I loved it!! It is so fast paced and VIOLENT!! (Amy Sauls, you would LOVE rugby…it is way better than hockey. J) Afterwards we went to a restaurant called Primy (not Creamy as I first thought) and thoroughly enjoyed great food, conversation and laughter. I love the laughter here. Since being here, I’ve realized that it isn’t that we don’t laugh in the States, but we get too busy to take time to really sit down and enjoy life with each other. It is in this hustle and bustle trap where the laughter begins to grow quieter and then can completely dim except on occasion.

On Sunday I went with Ronnie to Hillsong. Now here is a disclaimer: I have been very critical of Hillsong ever since I went this summer. I am not always a fan of the “this is a performance type of service where we spend tons of money for the bells and whistles where only pretty people are on stage and our altar calls are always 30 minutes plus.” But, this summer when I came back from the Hillsong service not thoroughly impressed, a friend said, “Molly, I see your point, but don’t you have to think that God uses all types of churches? Don’t you think God is a big enough God that God takes the broken pieces of every church and somehow, someway uses them for the betterment of the Kingdom?” Those questions really began in me a serious questioning and realization that I do not know the “perfect” way to do church and neither does anyone next to me. Due to our different experiences, view points, and beliefs, we all try to be the Body of Christ in the best way we know how. It is not our place to judge one church over another or one worship service over another. It is not our place to go to a church worship service merely for the “fancy lights and great band that gives me a worship high” or go for the “liturgical rituals which make me feel oh so holy.” No. Wherever we find church, wherever we chose to worship should be a place where we find community. And we should not fall into the trap of avoiding a church and being completely closed to it because “it isn’t my thing.” No matter what church service we go to be it traditional, contemporary, blended, fancy-smanzy, or country, we should examine our hearts first as we enter into worship. Hopefully, in examining ourselves we realize that we do not have it all figured out. We are NOT God. Therefore, we should find compassion, respect, and love for those who do “church” differently. Now it doesn’t mean we can’t have discussions about what it means to be the Body of Christ and discuss and try out different types of worship. But, I am really beginning to realize that we all have something to bring to the table: conservatives, fundamentalists, progressives, flaming liberals and the list can go on. If we would turn our hearts from ourselves in worship and what we think is “correct worship and correct doctrine” and turn our hearts toward God, God will reveal what God wishes in whatever type of worship service we find ourselves in.

That is what I found at Hillsong at Sunday at least. Yes, it was still flashy and yes, pretty people flooded the stage. But as we sang, God spoke to me. As we prayed with quite a few uplifted hands in the crowd, I listened to the One who created me. I realized that the power, goodness, and truth of God is present if we are but open (even when it means we remove our jadedness and judgment against those people and worship services which make us a bit “uncomfortable.”)

Bests

I woke up Wednesday morning and reality hit. I’ve hit the half-way point of my journey in Cape Town. I woke up that morning with a wish. I wish I could slow down time and make my Cape Town experience last longer. I woke up as well with a peace. I have peace in trusting God, trusting my journey and in faith knowing that if I am to return to Cape Town it will happen in time if I am but patient. I woke up Wednesday excited. I am excited by the past 5 weeks and am excited for these next 5.

Each Wednesday marks a week passed and a new week of my journey in Cape Town. Two of my wonderful friends at Carson Newman wrote me a letter to open each week that passes. This morning in Amy’s letter she said, “Write down your best moments so far and your not so best moments so far.” What better place to write some of those down then on a blog? J (I can’t promise that each of these thoughts will be parallel in form so the nerd in me apologizes in advance.)

Bests So Far:

Meagan taking Melanie and I to her favorite beach spot one Sunday afternoon. Meagan let Melanie and I into parts of her life that day that not many people are ever shown. By her taking us to the beach, she said, “I want you both in my life as amazing friends.” It was a glorious day.

My friendship, laughter and chats with Melanie Dill. Melanie Dill is a blessing to my life. She listens to me, laughs with me, cries with me, hugs me, and is a constant for me here.

The presentation this week at False Bay College on sex, AIDS, STIs, and pornography. After the presentation, we had multiple students call Living Hope saying what an impact the presentation made and how they are re-thinking the promiscuous ways in which they live.

The children at Mountain View and Ocean View who yell, “Molly! Molly! Molly!” as I walk to them each day. On days I do not get to see the kids, my heart aches so I cannot begin to imagine how I am going to manage going back home and not being able to see, play, hug, and love them in person.

The love and prayers which enveloped me during my WAIT interview. I know that both here and far people were praying for me and for my preparation. I cannot keep track of the numerous comments of love, encouragement, and support that were spoken to me by my community here as the nerves hit, tears fell, and anxiety increased as I prepared for Monday night. Each prayer spoken, hug given, and smiled shared reminded me that I am loved both near and far.

Wonderful chats that continue to overflow here with other volunteers, LSEs, and friends met on my first trip to Cape Town that I would never replace. I love meeting people and really getting to know them and that is ringing true here. Conversations had over lunch, laughter, sunsets, Kauai smoothies, dinner at the house, or Mugg and Bean are refreshing and bring great delight to my life.

The preparations for Kids Club each week which brings joy to be because the children really are getting the heart of the curriculum. Each time we share the Bible story and ask questions after, I see the lights come on in the children. These children teach me so much about God and God’s love and what that should look like for our life!

A girl from Ocean View who gave me a letter she wrote this week. She made the card and envelope just to tell me how much she loves me. It was precious. She can’t pronounce Molly so she calls me “Molney.” Her letter is one I will keep forever.

At training this week we went around the room sharing what great things each ministry is doing. Hearing everything that Living Right is accomplishing was a huge encouragement to all of us as we are worn down from the long days. It is clearly evident that God is using Living Hope and the Living Right program to restore the people here.

Watching sunsets over the ocean will never get old here and will always be a “best” for me. Each sunset I watch is a bit different yet continues to amaze me by its beauty. Each sunset I watch I am reminded of what a great God we serve. Each sunset I am reminded to seek peace. Each sunset I am reminded to continue to journey courageously and boldly this journey of life.

These are just a few “bests” for me so far. There are many that I’ve experienced and haven’t shared, and I know there will be many more to come. May we each remember to embrace and rejoice in the “bests” in our life.

Let me tell you about my friends...

Nathaniel is a 10 year old boy who has more gumption for life than anyone I’ve met. He has a smile that spreads across his face. We enjoy chatting about school and how he likes learning. He tells me about his soccer skills and laughs at me when I try to kick a ball. He has a true servant heart and is always looking for ways to help us during Kids Club.

Romeino is my personal translator. Each day I’m at Mountain View she helps me understand what is being said in Afrikaans. Her face lights up each time she explains something because she always want to be a helper. She loves to wear dresses and be “girly.” We enjoy chats about nail polish, hairstyles, and her day.

Lorenzo is my quiet, shy friend who looks for me until I find him. He is a man of little words, but I know his heart is full of love for others. He always listens intently as we teach during Kids Club and can answer articulately. When we color, he always shows off his masterpieces with pride on his face. He especially loves to play the jumping game I created for the kids. I know if there is any spare second then he will be by my side ready to jump!!

Amber and Bianca are my pals with a rough exterior but who just desire to be kids. It took a few weeks before they opened up, but once they did, they haven’t stopped. As they plat my hair before club we chat about their days, family, hopes and dreams. I can tell their demeanor is changing, and they are beginning to realize what beautiful, amazing, valued children of God they are.

Kyle is my buddy with all the energy!! He is the child you know is a discipline problem in the classroom, but all he wants is love. All he wants is for people to see him as important. Every time he tells me about a soccer play or adventure he went on, I love listening intently and nodding my head at the important parts. He has quite the stories so he helps keep my imagination alive and active!!

Keisha and Alisha are my friends who remind me to embrace the inner child. Our time is spent singing songs, laughing, and dancing. Their smiles light up the room and remind me that we must embrace every moment.

Jarrod is my little man. He is only four but acts like he is forty. He has a laugh that could even make the stoic crack a smile. He is very, very bright and each time we hang out he tells be his numbers and letters. He loves being reminded of what a smart boy he is. He loves making others laugh and always wants to be the center of attention.

These are just a few of my friends I’ve made thus far. Each child that comes into Kids Club brightens my heart. More than that, they each have a part of my heart. These are children for whom I want the best. These are friends who I will be fighting for justice, reconciliation, restoration, and compassion for for the rest of my life. For Christ himself stated, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” (Luke 18:16)

Mommy

A little girl called me “mommy” today. At first I thought she was saying, “Molly” but the other LSEs quickly commented that she kept saying, “Mommy” not “Molly.” She could not stop saying, “Mommy, mommy help me color.” As I went to her, helped her color, held her, and played with her hair, I could not stop wondering what happened to her real mom? Did she abandon her? Did she die of AIDS? Is she a drug addict and present but not there? As these questions flooded my head I looked around the room and realized this little girl is not the exception to the rule. This is life for many of these children: life without a mother. My heart breaks for these children tonight. Here I am, a young woman who is the only mother figure this child has. I cannot imagine my life without my mom so my heart breaks. My heart broke as I heard her sweetly yet desperately say “Mommy.” My heart breaks because I know she is not the only one. My heart breaks at the reality of the situation. My heart breaks at the multitudes of times I take my mother for granted. My heart breaks for this generation of children who raising themselves and calling out “mommy” in the desperate hope that someone, somewhere will hear, listen, and help.

When you know it is right...

People continue to ask how I am, if I’m homesick etc. My response continues to be, “I’m at peace here. I miss home, and I miss my family and friends. But I am at peace. I know this is right.” Here are just a few reasons why I know it is “right.”

1. Each morning as I rise I am excited about the adventure of the day. I don’t feel a sense of dread or of wishing I were somewhere else.

2. I laugh here…all the time!! Now I am generally a happy, optimistic, glass half full kind of girl and I love to laugh. Back home I especially love the belly laughs I experience with my mom and Melodie. I get those belly laughs at least once a day if not more here.

3. I am being stretched. Each day is not a cake walk. Every day has challenges and growing opportunities. Every day I am learning a bit more about myself and God. This summer a friend said, “Molly, shouldn’t we live each day praying God reveals more of God’s self to us? Isn’t that what journeying is all about?” I feel that that occurs here.

4. I feel at peace. In the fall at CNC, I was content but not at peace. It was a great but hard semester. But this semester, peace abounds in my soul.

5. I see Christ in children, adults, teens, whites, blacks coloreds each day. Each day I get to see God’s creativity and beautiful creations in each one of us. Every day I realize more and more how God is with us; in us; among us.

6. Each night I look at the stars in awe knowing there is no other place I’d rather be standing in the presence of our God.

7. When I’m not around my Ocean View and Mountain View kids I really miss them!! Now, I like kids but generally have never had a desire to be with children 24/7 until being here. They all bring joy to my life in a unique, special way.

8. I love it here more the second time then I ever did the first. That concept is hard for me to grasp because I fell in love here this summer. My love for this place this time, however, far surpasses this summer.

9. Each day I realize another part of my past experience that shaped me, molded me, and prepared me for being here.

10. I found a community of friends here. Now granted, I am Lea Ann’s daughter so I know how to become a friend with just about anyone, but it is different here. I know that some of these friendships will last for a lifetime, just like the community of friends I met and kept from camp.

These are just a few reasons why I know it is right. I am sure there will be more to come.

I’m off to the Argus race this morning bright and early…I will blog about it and my “touristy” weekend soon I am sure!! Please be in prayer for tomorrow, Monday March 15^th. I have my WAIT scholarship interview at 1:30 eastern/12:30 central time.

Peace be upon all of you. Know that my love for each of you stretches across the oceans and continents.

Decisions, decisions...

Some of you may know this and some may not. While here in Cape Town, I have to decide where the next three years of my life will be spent: North Carolina or New Jersey. Newer, smaller, more opportunities to create a unique program tailored to me or larger, world renowned, established institution. I have made the pros and cons lists. I have prayed and listened. I have had a few sleepless nights. I have questioned. I have talked to mentors and friends, and now I must decide. My dad keeps on telling me, “Molly, trust the process. You won’t go wrong.” And I know that is true, but yet my heart has been in turmoil these past few days. I am about to share some reasons why I think I am in such angst, and as you read them, please pray with me through them.

Princeton is the logical choice. I got in. It is something I’ve always wanted. It’s a phenomenal academic institution and near so many inner city opportunities, yet Princeton itself is in an academic bubble. I would be moving to an extremely rich town where the middle class does not exist. I’d be going to a place that by its name alone could open doors for my career. But I also would be going to a place where students would try to one up each other on “brilliance,” and I wonder as we did that if I’d lose sight of the echo within me? But, by saying no to Princeton, a part of me may always wonder, “what if?” or if I “settled.” At the heart of it, by saying no to Princeton I think I may disappoint others and people who’s opinions I love and cherish may think I made a “wrong choice” or may not understand. Princeton may be an opportunity I may never have again. Princeton really is an amazing choice, yet why do I still so torn by saying "yes" to it?

Wake Forest is a place I know I’d fit in and love. Wake Forest is a place where I am “kind of” known. I mean, I do not know everyone there but three people on faculty know my family, and I know some students who attend. I know that Wake would stretch me and I would grow, but I also know I’d still be in my comfort zone a bit. Wake is a place where I know I could make my degree my own, have wonderful internship opportunities in NYC, take some law classes, and learn from some of the same people my dad did. (If I end up at Wake, I cannot wait until I turn a paper into Tupper early and he say, “You are Ross Brummett’s daughter turning something in early?!” J ) But, at Wake a part of the downside is that I am known. I think at Carson Newman I’ve always wondered did I get to where I am because of my dad’s help and the fact I was a “faculty kid” or on my own merit? Was I able to excel at CNC because it was comfortable and I wasn’t afraid to jump right in? I really don’t want to have those same questions at Wake. But, one of the things I love at Wake is the fact of the intimate community there which I had experienced at CNC for not only the past 4 years but the past 21, almost 22 years. Wake has great strengths, and I see myself there because in Wake I see the things I loved most at CNC.

I ultimately want to live a life where I make a difference. I wane to live a life where I don’t preach saying we need to help the poor, but I become one with the poor. I want to know those whom I minister to. I want to build community. I want to be a part of the reconciliation and restoration of the Church. I want to live a life pleasing to God. I want these next three years to continue to be transformative. I want to increase my knowledge as well as increase my ability to minister well. I want to be able to trust the inner voice within me, and when I finally decide know I made the right choice for me.

Please pray with me and for me these next days and weeks until April 1^st when I must decide. On March 15^th I have a critical interview with Wake Forest about a fellowship, and around that day I should be hearing from Princeton as well about finances. It is funny because before coming to Africa I wanted to get so far away from everyone’s opinions and thoughts on grad school because I felt stifled. Yet now that I am thousands of miles away from my community of support, I long for that stifled feeling again. I know, however, that it is good I am here making this decision because I know when I decide the decision will be mine. I hope and pray it will be a decision in which I am strong enough to trust the voice within as I continue to move down the lit path.

Exciting Opportunity in Ocean View

Monday night I attended a planning meeting for a Women’s Rally being held in Ocean View on March 20^th. Sarah Prince, an amazing minister and friend here felt an extreme burden for the women here in Ocean View and prayed for God to open doors and reveal what she could do about it. Hence, the idea of a Women’s Rally. At this rally we are focusing upon empowering women, bringing them together to fight domestic violence, and showing them they are of worth!! The rally is the jumping off point for Women’s Groups that will begin in Ocean View following the rally. Monday night as we gathered, discussed, and prayed, God stirred in me multiple thoughts about the reality of the situation.

Women are daily abused in Ocean View by husbands, boyfriends, and lovers. I see this abuse on the streets so I can’t begin to imagine what goes on behind closed doors. After a man hits a woman she feels like she is of no worth. Yet, she stays. This is not only true in Ocean View but throughout the entire world. As we met Monday night our hearts yearn for these women, for all women, to realize they are of worth. We are each created in the image of God. We do not need a man, be he abusive or not, to complete us. But we are all made complete in Christ. As I sat in the room discussing the Women’s Rally, my heart ached for women who are in domestic abuse situations. My heart ached for women who are forced to submission. My heart ached for our great misunderstanding of Paul’s words about submission. My heart ached most for friends back home who’s worth is in their relationship. Now, I do not have much room to speak because I once was that girl. My worth was found in whether or not I was dating or what guy was into me. But NO! We are worth so much more than that!! God did not create women to be silent or to be forced to submission. God did not create relationships to be places where the male dominates over the female. I really feel God wants us to be in relationships where both people compliment one another but do not complete the other. For I am finding in Ocean View as well as with others I know, it is when a woman thinks her completeness is only found in the man that problems arise. I hope and pray that on March 20^th will be a day where the women of Ocean View can come together and begin to realize their worth. I hope and pray that I along with them will continue to realize my worth in Christ. I hope and pray that March 20^th is a day which begins a renewal for the wonderful women in Ocean View.

Just a few stories...

Throughout my time here, I hear stories of things that occur within the townships. As I hear these stories my heart aches and the shock is evident from my face. Yet those who tell the stories have lost the shock factor. Their hearts still ached, but stories like these are so commonplace that these stories are life, not an exception to normalcy. As I share some of these stories I do not share them to scare you but instead share them for you to realize the reality of those who I’m working with.

First, this past week we discussed Human Trafficking in Kids Clubs. We did this because Human Trafficking is a reality in South Africa and is becoming a greater threat with the World Cup drawing near. On Friday at LSE training, each team shared what they did to begin explaining to the children Human Trafficking. As the Massai team shared they noted that as they spoke children began weeping because one little boy who had been missing from club for about 2 weeks was trafficked. A man came into the township telling the boy he’d take him to the store to buy an ice cream. Now the boy hasn’t been seen for 2 weeks. Human trafficking is a reality here.

Second, a girl that attends Teen Club in Ocean View confided in an LSE that her best friend has been getting paid by her uncle to sleep with him. Her friend has a mother who is a dead-beat and has little brothers and sisters to look after. With the weight of life on her shoulders to provide for her siblings, she is selling her 13 year old body to this 30 year old man. The friend who confided in Meagan feels terribly responsible for what happened. She feels so guilty that her friend is now sleeping with her uncle she ran away. No one has seen or heard from her since Thursday.

Third, Melissa, an LSE I work with who quickly became a friend finally opened up how her brother died. He was walking home from a friend’s house one night and got caught being in the wrong part of Ocean View at the wrong time. He walked into a gang fight without realizing it and was stabbed to death. He had no affiliation with either gang but became their target one dreadful night. He had child who is now fatherless. He had a family who loved him. He had a mother who became so distraught after his death that she died 6 months later. Within a 6-month span Melissa lost both her brother and mother before she was even 16. The saddest part about this is that Melissa isn’t the only one. This happens every day in Ocean View.

Fourth, the 10-12 years I work with in Ocean View are addicted to meth and marijuana. Not all of the children but many of them have tried and gotten hooked on these drugs. Why? In their homes their parents are using. If their parents aren’t using then their older siblings are usually using and/ or selling. My naïve self doesn’t even know what a marijuana plant looks like yet these 10-12 years old come to Kids Club high sometimes.

Fifth, at youth at Capricorn on Friday a boy was horsing around and hit his head so hard on the concrete that he began convulsing. The leaders called his foster mom to tell her what occurred, and she took him to the hospital. But, the problem is that they don’t have health insurance and many hospitals here don’t even see patients without health insurance. So as far as we know, this little boy could have been convulsing in the waiting room, going in and out of consciousness but because his foster family cannot afford food let alone insurance, he possibly went without help Friday night.

These stories and more are common place here. I know that stories like this exist all around the world, including Jefferson City. These stories, however, are on such a grand scale here. As I hear story after story, I pray that my heart does not become numb to it all. I pray that I do not become so overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all that I stop seeking justice because I see justice as being too great a challenge to reach. I pray that as I continue to hear, see and experience these stories that the power of God continues to overwhelm me. For every tragedy faced here makes the glory of God so much sweeter. Jesus is the only steadfast hope here these people have to hold on to. Praise God they have hope in Christ unlike any I’ve ever seen or experienced.

Listening to the Echos

This week I read the book, The Echo Within by Robert Benson. (If you have not read this book, stop right now, go find it/buy it, come back read this blog and then read the book. Seriously, the book is that good!) Ok, well as you can gather, I loved this book. The ideas Benson presents are thoughts and ideas I’ve been feeling for quite some time. Every free minute I had on Wednesday I read this book. I wanted to soak it all up. One thing Benson spoke on has really been with me all week as I’ve gone throughout ministry here which I wish to share.

A theme throughout this book is that different people and experiences ignite the echo within us, and it is in those moments that God uses them for us to see our true vocation and calling. The key is what we do with those moments. Now Benson notes that God is not a puppeteer and we are merely God’s puppets, but we have choice. But no matter what choices we choose those key moments and events help shape us into becoming the person God created us to be as God breathed unique life into each of us. As I read all of this, I pondered key events and moments in my life. As I reflected, I realized that each of these moments have gotten me to this exact point. I’ve been telling my parents over and over again that this is the right time for me to be in Cape Town. I could not have come earlier and had a peace like this. So what are some of those moments in my life?

1. My family. When God breathed life into me God knew that he was giving life to a little girl who would be raised by some of the finest disciples he had. It has not been until I reached college that I’ve come to realize what a blessing it has been that I am Ross and Lea Ann’s daughter. The fact that I was raised in a home with a theologian is a blessing especially now as I want to study in that same field. The fact that I was raised in a home by a lady who knows what it means to be a friend to others is a joy. Every time a person tells me I love people well, I say, “I learned from my mother.” The fact that I was raised in a home where community and love for others was stressed daily is something I am beyond thankful for. Every conversation had at the dinner table, laughter shared, trials discussed, and tears cried with my parents has helped shape me. As I reflect upon some of those conversations it is only now that I am realizing the significance. I was raised in a home where I was encouraged to follow the beauty of my dreams. WHAT A GIFT!

2. Passport camps. When I finished 7^th grade, the preacher at Passport was Eileen Campbell Reed. This was the first experience I ever had hearing a woman pastor and WOW. I knew in that moment hearing her speak that God called amazing women to preach and a BAPTIST woman at that! In 10^th grade at Passport, I heard the echo within saying “You are called Molly Matthews Brummett to ministry. Go. Go serve in Africa. Go where I send you.” As I heard this, I could not comprehend what those words meant, but I began to surrender to God as only a 15 year old knows how. Then working the summer of 2008, at the end of camp Colleen Walker Burroughs came to end camp with us. In our end discussion of the summer she told me, “Molly, you have the gifts of a pastor.” She probably does not remember saying that, but God using her to speak that truth into me was just another instance where my ears were opened to continue to listen to the voice within.

3. My D.C. semester. I went thinking I would be interning for the organization I wanted to work for for my entire life. Instead, God slammed that door and my face and said, “Stop being so dense….be bold. Continue to follow the call. Go serve. Go minister.” In those life changing, life altering, overwhelming moments, I knew that my experience in DC would forever change the course of my life. Not only did I realize law was not supposed to be my full-time profession although I know law and the continued study of law/policy can only be a blessing and aid in my ministry, but I had the blessing of finding a church community. While in DC, Calvary Baptist rocked my world. It was a place where I saw the Church BEING the BODY OF CHRIST!! It was a place where all were welcome. It was a place where I learned each Sunday from an amazing Baptist, female pastor. It was a place where Calvary was in the community and serving it. It was an intentional place. It was a place where I knew my heart longed to be. It was a place where I heard the voice within saying, “this…this is ministry. Invest your life in things like this.”

4. My years in counseling. (Now this is a disclaimer, if you think you have everything together or if you feel like your life is falling a part…go to counseling. Counseling makes you see life in a whole new light. Seriously, get rid of the stigma you have around counseling, suck up your pride, and make an appointment. It only enhances the life Christ created you to lead….really.) Every session with Bob in high school were moments where God worked. I learned how different situations and hurts shaped me. I learned the power in forgiveness. I learned the power in standing up for myself. I learned that we all have our quirks. I learned that all the quirks within creation shows what an amazing, creative, beautiful God we have! With my sessions with Emily I allowed myself to see that my completeness came in Christ. I realized that I am a strong, independent woman and that is a wonderful thing not a hindrance. I realized that God continues to have great things in store as long as I will but keep walking. I learned that I am not a normal 21 year old, and I should not boast in that but I should rejoice in knowing God breathed life into me 21 years ago knowing that I would not be “normal” but Molly.

5. The World AIDS Day Service. Now you must know the back story in order to understand the full story. Back story: while working camp in 2008 in the gym where we had worship in New Orleans, God whispered into my heart, “Molly…GO…go do something for Africa…go do something for Africa while raising awareness at CNC…you are unlike anyone at CNC who has the unique relationships between faculty, students and staff since you were raised there…trust…GO.” Now at the time, I really had no idea what that was going to look like, but I knew it meant something. Fast forward to the fall of 2009 as I am now president of Global Outreach on campus. One job of GO is that we have the World AIDS Day Chapel as our chapel to do what we would like. Now we tried getting multiple speakers and they all fell through, and it was getting down to the wire. Then I thought…wait, Molly…you do it. Plan an intentional worship service around World AIDS Day chapel. So as I planned and prayed I had no idea what would come of the service and how students would react to the prayer experience and how they would react to the stories we share. But in the moments that I stood and spoke in FBC, I felt a peace from God like never before. In that moment I knew that this was my calling. This chapel was a time where God’s faithfulness was revealed. This was a time I will always look back upon and remember at what it means to hear the inner voice within and follow it, even when the path is not clear. As I finished speaking, I sat down and my mom was right there who surprised me and came. With tears in her eyes she smiled and said, “I witnessed your first sermon. I am so happy.” And in that moment, I knew God was thinking the exact same thing.

6. John Thomas’ words at the Team House this summer in Cape Town. Now The entire time we were here this summer we kept on hearing about John and Avril the pastor and wife who started Living Hope. One night of our time this summer, they actually came for dinner and after eating Nadine’s wonderful food, John shared. As he was telling the story of Living Hope and his journey to start it, I began weeping. I began weeping because here was a man putting words to the desires of my heart. Here was a man who was trying to live out the whole gospel. Here was a man doing with his life what I hope to one day do similarly with mine. As I sat weeping in those moments, I knew my heart was in Cape Town. I knew that those tears were saying more to me than what I even realized. It has only been with time and continued time that I will fully begin to realize what all it means. But I do know that night when John quoted Luke 4:18-19 that God was speaking directly to me. That passage of scripture had been on my heart for some time and as I understood it, got at the heart of Christ’s message. The words Christ spoke are words I felt he was encouraging us to live out as well. So as John spoke those words, I knew God was in that moment.

Now here I am back in Cape Town, back in a place where I feel the entire gospel is being attempted to be lived out. Here I am in a place where these different experiences I’ve shared have shaped me into who God created me to be. Here I am still open, willing and desiring to continue to grow more into, Molly Matthews Brummett. Here I am praying that my ears will never become deaf to the voice within. Here I am hoping that I never plan my life so rigidly that I am not open to the voice of God and how God speaks. Here I am. But where are you along your journey? As you read this, I encourage you to think about key moments and events in your life that have shaped you; moments in which the voice within speaks and you respond as you try to live out your calling. I leave you with these words from Benson, words I hope try daily to live out, “Our search for our calling us leads us to listen deep within ourselves, hoping to hear the echo within, hoping to ungarble and understand the incarnate words spoken into us, hoping to discover how to live into and out of the echo of that word as it resounds within. But we are not meant to stay within ourselves forever. We are meant to be given away, to sound out our word in the world, to give it to others.”

Reflections from a Hard Day

Today was by far my hardest day here. I am on my third week and the reality that Cape Town is not merely a mission trip but life for the next few months hit. Due to some other circumstances as well piling up, I felt a great heaviness all day. This morning I responded to an email my Dad sent. I hope by sharing the response I sent him you will continue to see more of my heart and journey here.

Thanks for the attachment dad!! It really meant a lot...made me tear up a bit. Today is a hard day for some reason. I think I'm just overwhelmed with this WAIT interview now; the weight of being here/all the sadness/brokenness/poverty; and realizing that this is becoming my home. It is my home yet it will be yet another place where I have peace and joy then must leave. In my journey of life I seem to have lots of times where I go follow God, and experience new things that challenge me, mold me and grow me, but I am never there long enough to plant deep roots.( i.e.-camp, college, DC, here.) But, I'm still trusting because that's faith, right? Trusting when you do not see? Trusting when it is hard. Daily picking up your cross, leaving everything behind, disowning yourself and following Christ wherever He leads. Oh the journey...so joyous yet so tiring at times

Monday's Questions

Ever since childhood, I’ve asked questions. My parents instilled in me the importance of asking questions and not always taking things for face value. Especially since college, my father encouraged me to “faith think” as my faith grew into my own. Well, since being in Cape Town, I’ve been faith thinking and questioning like never before. Here is a snapshot of some…

1. What is going to happen to the children who left Kids Club without a meal today? Today at Kids Club, the food deliverers forgot to bring bread and fruit for the children. After waiting 30 minutes after club for the food to arrive, the went away with empty stomachs. My heart wrenched as they went away because I know many of them are going to bed on a completely empty stomach that has been empty since Friday. Why? Why are they starving and I have never once wondered where my next meal will come from? Why do they never know what it feels like to be full, yet I gorged myself with sweets this weekend? What would happen if we Americans stopped being the “obese nation” and learned how to share some food? Would the next generation of children not have to go hungry?

2. What is going to happen to Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather tonight? A part of my ministry here is that every Monday morning the teenage prostitutes of Ocean View come to the Ocean View office and hang out with us. We play games, laugh, enjoy a snack, and build friendships. Today was the first day where girls showed up, and it was a WONDERFUL time. They taught me their version of pool, and I learned all the tricks of winning dominos. Mokes, Cheyenne and Heather laughed at my attempts to pronounce Afrikaans words, and I loved making them smile. For two hours, these girls were able to act their age: 16. Yet, when they left they were headed to the street to sell their bodies in order to make money to feed their siblings. When I was 16 I worried myself over making straight As, I had no worries over whether or not a man would pick me up so I wouldn’t starve that night. So tonight I wonder, where are Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather? Are they with an unfamiliar man? Are they hungry? Are they scared? I wonder how can they begin to understand the love of God when they equate love with paid sex? Yet again, I wonder why? Why am I the lucky one? Why am I able to keep my innocence and not them? Why?

3. How can the same God who created such a beautiful creation allow such devastation to be present within God’s creation? The natural beauty here is unlike any other I’ve ever seen, yet the devastation overwhelms this place. Why is poverty, homelessness, trash, impoverished and broken people the norm? Perhaps WE are to blame? Perhaps it is the lack of Christians taking up our crosses and following Christ into the devastation to redeem and restore?

4. Am I here out of selfish desires? Is my motive for wanting to come back and serve truly selfless? Did I come fully wanting to help or was part of my motive wanting the “experience”?

These questions and more consume me right now, but I am getting okay with the questions…I just pray to God that God will give me the strength to ask the right questions as I continue my journey here