A Moment with Nathaniel

Tuesday was my last full day as a Living Hope volunteer. It was a heart-wrenching day from my last time in morning devotion to my last Teens Team meeting to my exit interview. All day long I was trying to soak up every moment while looking forward to as well as dreading Kids Club because I knew when Kids Club was over and as I said my goodbyes then my 10 weeks of ministry here was “over.” Then, Nathaniel and I had a moment and I had an epiphany.

Nathaniel has been one 10 year old boy that I have connected with throughout my time at Ocean View Kids Club. He has a smile that lights up the entire room and is always up for a chat. On Tuesday, however, Nathaniel was starting to nag and punch another girl so Alistar made him go outside as punishment. My heart wrenched at this because I thought, “Oh man…my last day in club and Nathaniel isn’t even a part of it!” But, as club went on and our kids began to color, I decided to go outside and see if I could find Nathaniel. Nathaniel was outside on the steps just frowning and looking like he had the whole weight of the world on his shoulders. I sat down beside him in silence for quite some time because he was not responsive to my questions then finally the silence broke. Nathaniel with tears streaming down his face said, “Molly, it was a tough day today. My friends were just really mean to me at school and said awful things to me. It was just hard. And no one understands.” In those moments after Nathaniel spoke I tried to give encouragement as best I could. I’m really not sure if what I said changed his life or if he left feeling any better but after we finished chatting I said, “want to color with me?” And in those moments of coloring as we just sat and colored I knew that ministry of presence was meaning volumes. Tears streamed down Nathaniel’s face as we just sat and colored and I hugged him. In spending time with Nathaniel Tuesday I was reminded again of the power of the ministry of presence.

If I had been distant to these kids the past 10 weeks then that moment would have just been an awkward American volunteer who came in to “try to save the day.” If I had spent the entire time lecturing Nathaniel and hammering with questions about why he hit that girl or why his friends were mad or whether or not he showed love to his enemies he probably would have shut me out. But, in the moments when I told Nathaniel that I had plenty of days were people were just downright cruel to me and in the moments when he and I colored, the spirit of God moved. Nathaniel showed me that sure I’ve spoken truth into these kids lives from the Bible stories and such. And yes, the children have come to know more and more about Christ through the curriculum we teach. The curriculum will still be in use after I go and more volunteers will come in and pick up where I left off wth that, but what they cannot replace is my ministry of presence here. I did not do it perfectly. Sometimes I probably should have spoken more or asked more questions about the kids belief in Christ. But, through Nathaniel I realized that the moments I spent coloring, dancing, running around, braiding hair, holding hands, hugging necks, and just sitting and laughing with the children are where God moved the most. I kept on thinking about Job’s friends and how the first 7 days they came and sat with Job. They showed him ministry of presence but then when they started speaking and trying to say the “right, Biblical” things, they messed it all up because they didn’t know when to be quiet. Ministry of presence is a powerful tool, and I’m not sure what parts of my ministry will last after I leave this place, but through Nathaniel I gained hope that all my coloring, smiling, laughing and just being with kids is ministry enough and ministry that God has used, is using, and will continue to use to ever reveal and redeem these beautiful children of God.

Quick Re-Cap

1. Thursday evening was the outreach for Mountain View, and in the moments as the people came rushing in, I realized how blessed I am that I am lucky enough to call these people “friend.” It’s funny because often when we head out to do service we think of how we are going to help those in the greatest need. But really, it’s those you help whom enrich your life far greater than you ever enriched theirs. As the children ran around me, hugged me, laughed with me, and danced and singed in the aisles with me, I realized how blessed I am to be a part of their lives. The people of Mountain View and Ocean View are a part of me, and they will always be.

2. Friday evening was spent in Sutherland, South Africa. Sutherland is in the Northern Cape, and its claim to fame is that it contains the largest observatory and second largest telescope in the Southern Hemisphere. I’ve always been enamored by the stars because when I star gaze I am reminded of what a great, big God we serve. Friday evening was no different. As I looked at galaxies, colored stars, Saturn, and many more things through telescopes, and as I stopped on the side of the road to just gaze in awe at the beauty of the night sky, I was comforted. I am comforted because in those moments, I was reminded that I am far more precious than a star to God. I am comforted because I am reminded that the universe is much bigger than my tiny world. I am comforted because I see the beauty of God and in looking at the stars am reminded that in all things God works for the good. I am comforted because I know while leaving this place I love as I go home facing lots of uncertainty and lots of new adventures, I am far more precious and loved by God than any star in the sky, sand in the sea or words could say.

3. Saturday evening was spent with close friends here. It was a time of baking, crying, laughing, and enjoying company. In those moments I was thankful for my time here. Thankful I’ve grown close enough to some that I know I can cry and share my true emotions about leaving. In those moments, I also was thankful that community and hospitality are two of the greatest ways God shows us great love.

I know this post was a short one, and I promise I will blog more soon. I have been crazy busy with my finals days here, and I am trying to soak up each moment I can here. Know that I will blog longer soon. I also can’t wait to celebrate and share my South African journey in person with many of you very soon. J

A Time for Everything

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to med, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything. I have said before that this time that I’ve experienced my South Africa journey could not have been a more “perfect” time. God so intricately used my past experiences and growth to mold and shape me into this place where I was ready and open for these past 10 weeks. I know there is a season for everything just as the writer of Ecclesiastes so poignantly states. The problem I am in is that I do not see my season of time being up here. Usually, in the past, when I’ve gone away to a new place for different reasons, toward the ends of my time I realize that my season is up there and am ready to return home. Now, there are huge parts of me that are ready to return home and ready to hug necks and share life with my family, friends, and friends who are family back in the States. But, with that being said, I do not feel like my season of time is up here yet. It is especially hard when I look towards my future and see myself being busy with graduate school for the next 3 years and realize that it could possibly be 3 years before I return for an extended period of time to the place that stole my heart. But, in all of this, I am realizing the importance of trust and patience. I am realizing that though my physical amount of time may be up here for now, the season of my life in which this place has had and will continue to have is not over. I must remain faithful, patient, and trust the inner voice within as I continue to figure out what this season of my life means for the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

A Taste of Community

On Sunday afternoon, I had a great “taste” of community. Meagan an LSE in Ocean View whom I’ve grown close to insisted that I must have a Gatsby before I left. If you do not know what a Gatsby is let me explain: it is a heart attack on a plate. Not really, but it’s close. A Gatsby is the famous sub of South Africa that consists of lots of bread, French fries, meat, sauces, and more sauce and more grease. I am not a fan of unhealthy to the extreme that the Gatsby is, but I knew that the symbol of the Gatsby was an important one. I also knew it wouldn’t kill me to stop calorie counting in order to have this South African dish. Now, the Gatsby is a symbol of community because the thing is HUGE and one person cannot eat it alone. So, you eat it with others and when you order it they slice it for however many people. People kept on telling me that in the colored community especially Gatsby’s symbolized your community coming together to share in this delicacy. So as Meagan, Melanie, Kendra and I sat at Muizenburg beach conquering the beast that is “the Gatsby,” I couldn’t help but think on community and what that means to me.

As I ate the Gatsby with four women who have touched my life in so many ways this past semester, I felt the impact of this community here in Cape Town. The fact that I’ve had the blessing to be a part of people’s lives here is one of the greatest things from my experience here. The fact that I’ve been able to pour into as well as be poured into by so many these past 9 weeks is something I will never forget. Being surrounded by such wonderful community is what enriched my experience here. Being surrounded by such wonderful community is why I desire to come back here. From the fab five to random volunteer excursions to playing cards, walking to the store, Teens Team laughter, children’s embraces, laughter, tears, discussions about life, honesty, truth, prayer, and comfort, community engulfs me here. Yesterday walking to club the children in Ocean View ran out of their homes to give me hugs. In those moments, I knew that not only did I view this place as my community but they view me as part of their community. That meant so much. It was one of the most bitter-sweet moments of my time here because just as I feel this great sense of community, reality hits that I leave in a week. Last night as we celebrated Kendra’s birthday and I sat at the table surrounded by close, close friends it was bittersweet, too. But, I choose to focus on the sweet because I trust that this community I’ve found here is not going to end when I step on the plane and leave. I know that I will be back, but more importantly than that, I know that this community goes with me just as my community from home came with me here.

As I’ve realized all these things about my community here these past few days, I’ve been reminded of my wonderful community back home. As some of you know, one of the greatest things I took away from my first trip to Cape Town was the idea of UBUNTU: I am because we are. So much of who I am and who I’ve been here is because of YOU back home. It is because of my community the past 22 years in all the different forms it takes. It is because of my community back home that is easing the blow of leaving here and coming home. I know I am returning to a wonderful community that means so much to me.

The reality of leaving here is a painful one, but I know that I am not leaving here in spirit. And I know that I have a comforting community back home that will embrace me with open arms knowing that my life and community expanded these past 10 weeks and just as I brought my home community to South Africa, I am bring my South African community back home. So be prepared, because I am because we are. I am because of my family, my life long friends, my college pals, the RBC, my Passport days, FBC Jeff City, my DC community, Ocean View and Mountain View children, Living Hope, and all the wonderful people who are friends but have become my family these past 10 weeks here. I have a kaleidoscope of community, of UBUNTU and am so blessed. The thing is that we can all have UBUNTU if we but embrace community and importance of it. If there is one thing I’ve been constantly reminded of and know for certain from my journey of life thus far is that we were not made to live in isolation or to be alone on this journey. In community we see God at work. In community we find joy. In community we share burdens. In community we grow. In community we are because of one another.

Holiday Club Time

This past week has been a fun-filled, exhausting yet rewarding time as an LSE because of Holiday Club. The school system here is on a schedule very similar to year round school so around certain times of the year there are extended holidays. One extended holiday is over Easter. Whenever different holidays occur, Living Hope hosts Holiday Clubs where the kids and teens come for a longer program that involves special curriculum. Now normally at Kids Club in Ocean View we will have anywhere between 30-50 children but at Holiday Club this week we had over 100 and during Teens Holiday Club we were averaging 50!! Besides getting terribly sick on Friday after I ate my first samosa, it was a wonderful week on which I wish to share a bit.

On Tuesday morning all the Ocean View staff arrived at the office to discuss the plan for the week, give out assignments, and get pumped for the week ahead. During this hour planning time, my Type A self was a bit stressed out because it seemed like we had nothing planned, but during that time, it some how all cam together. During that time, Nathan (the head LSE in Ocean View) assigned me to be in charge of the pre-schoolers all week. Now, I love children, and since being here really have a new love for them. But at the same time, I do not feel that my gifts lie in helping the little ones. But somehow, some way, being with the preschoolers all week, teaching them the Bible Story, helping them with crafts, playing with them, holding them, feeding them, laughing with them, and loving them has been one of my high lights of my entire experience here. I absolutely adore these children. When I saw their face light up when the understood the Bible story my heart overflowed with joy. When they were crawling all over me yelling, “Molly, Molly play with me” or “Molly, Molly watch me do this” my heart melted. In those moments, I continued to realize how Christ is so evident in little children. Some how, God even granted me the patience and grace as I fed them and helped them go to the bathroom. Two things I said I would never do.

Not only did I love seeing the preschoolers have a wonderful time at Holiday Club but I loved seeing all the children love Holiday Club and come to a place where they knew they were loved and wanted. As the children sang songs, played games, recited memory verses and more, I realized that these Holiday Clubs are moments in these children’s lives that they will look back on and remember fondly. Just as I have VBS, Bible Drill, and countless other experiences I look back on fondly from my child hood, these children have the same memories. This entire week was a week where they were continually being exposed to the love of God. I realized that so much of living out our faith consists in just planting seeds. It consists of meeting needs, loving others, sharing good news, and being Christ’s hands and feet in whatever situation we find ourselves.

Another special moment for me from Holiday Club week was Teens Club. Now in the mornings here I am a member of the Teens Team so we wrote and created the entire curriculum for Holiday Club. Creating the curriculum was definitely a high light for me but seeing the curriculum be used and work was an even greater high light for me. Now the Teens Team jokes and calls me the “brain box,” and seeing some of my “brain box” ideas work this week for teens was exhilarating. I loved that the teens loved some of the crazy games I suggested. I loved that most of the teens that showed up were the gang bangers and guys strung out on drugs. I loved it because the entire weeks emphasis was on leadership and what good leadership looks like as we look to Christ as the ultimate example of servant leadership. Many of these guys that showed up are the “leaders” of Ocean View so as they sat and listened and soaked up a little or a lot of what was said, seeds were being planted in their lives. Meagan, has been praying that God would really use this Leadership Curriculum to transform the teens of Ocean View, and it was so neat and moving to see how God has, is, and will continue to work on this transformation of this area. On Thursday, Meagan asked me if I would deliver the Big Group talk for the teens. I was rather nervous speaking because I knew that most of these guys are very rough around the edges and probably don’t have the most respect for this American volunteer. But somehow, some way, God used what little thoughts and words I mustered to show how Christ is the ultimate servant, selfless leader and how Christ calls us to the same standard. As I spoke, I saw some teens dazing off into space but I saw others that were listening intently. That in itself was enough for me. It was yet another time when God continues to define the YES in my life. One of the activities for the teens the day I spoke was for them to take their snack for the day (fruit) and give it to someone in Ocean View who needed it more than them. To watch them all get excited as they did it, and to see the smiles that engulfed their faces as they handed out fruit was life-giving. It was a moment where I kept on thinking of the widow and her two coins. For many of these teens, this piece of fruit was a large part of the only food they’d have for the day yet they were willing to give it to someone who needed it more than them. For the widow, the two coins were all that she had to give yet she gave without hindrance. For us, we have much to give yet we often hold onto it thinking we may need it later on when disaster or tragedy or famine strikes. But that isn’t what Christ calls us to? Christ calls us to give all that we have whatever that may be, however much or little that is. And to think I gripe about giving 10% to tithe. But don’t you and I have so much more to give than just 10%?

It was a wonderful week for Holiday Club, and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead for my last full week of Kids Club this coming week! Hard to believe my time is coming to a close.

Have you ever wanted?

Today was my 5^th day off and while it has been nice to have time off for Holiday, the days off came at an interesting time. The interesting time is that the reality that I am leaving in 16 days has hit. With that reality, much thinking occurs. Now, if you know me well you know that my brain never stops thinking, but when I have extra free time like these past 5 days, my brain goes on overdrive thinking mode. This evening after returning from the Waterfront the thoughts about here, there and everywhere flooded my head. I knew I needed quiet time to think, pray, and reflect. At one point during that time, I turned my Ipod on and began to be soothed by song. One song in particular came on by Shawn McDonald. In the song, he kept singing, “Have you ever wanted?” Well that got me to thinking….right now I am at a time where I am wanting a lot as my journey to South Africa is coming to a close quicker than what I realized.

I want these next 15 days to go by slowly. When I signed up for 10 weeks, I did not realize how quickly that time would pass. It seems that right as I am forming strong community and ministry, I am leaving it as quickly as I found it.

I want these next 15 days to go by quickly. A part of me thinks that if these next 15 days go by quickly then I will not continue to get attached to the people here. There is a huge part of me that knows the leaving is going to be painful no matter when I leave so a part of me wants these days to fly by quickly so I won’t be even more attached to this place that I must leave.

I want Ocean View to be transformed. I want poverty to be eradicated here. I want Christians to stand up for what is right and do something about the problems that plague the world. I want Meagan and Bianca and Kristen and Octavia to become empowered through education to be able to break the norm here.

I want my transition back at Carson Newman to not be painful like it was after returning from camp in 2008 and after returning from DC in 2009. I want my friends to embrace me for who I am, not who I used to be. I want them to love me even if they don’t “get me.” I want to enjoy all the last senior moments I’m about to experience.

I want to return to Cape Town at some point in my life. I desire to come back and make this place community for me at some point in my life, hopefully sooner than later.

I want to live in the moment these last days, and I want to return home continuing to live in the moment there. I want to be able to dwell on my time in South Africa but not get stuck in the dwelling to miss out on life in front of me.

I want to continue to live the life God called me to boldly, unashamedly, patiently, and diligently. I want to strive to continually be transformed each day into the person God breathed life into 21, almost 22, years ago.

A Good Friday Reflection

I had a Good Friday like I’ve never had before. I went hiking. Not only did I go hiking, but I hiked Table Mountain. Table Mountain is a famous landmark for Cape Town which attracts multitudes of people each year. When I was here this past June we rode the cable car up, and I knew if I came back that I wanted to hike the mountain. Now, this hike is definitely known to be quite strenuous, but it was worth every second. (It was even worth it after my clumsy self ran into a tree and fell down. J) There are multiple different routes to hike up Table Mountain but our group decided on Skeleton’s Gorge which is a longer, harder journey, but it is worth it because you hike through different terrain. As we hiked up the mountain on Good Friday I could not help but ponder life, the day and what Good Friday means for you and me.

The central theme that stuck out to me throughout the entire day while basking in the beauty of God’s creation, soaking in the moment, and living life to the fullest in those moments is that I was only able to hike yesterday because of what Christ did on the cross. God, through the suffering, death and resurrection of Christ, redeemed you and I. In that single act God bestowed upon all of creation the single greatest act of selfless love in history. Now since that moment, society has butchered that love, misused it, abused it, and struggled to understand it but that does not change the fact that God still desires to redeem all of creation to God’s self. And the crazy thing is that when Christ died upon that Cross God beckoned us to enter into the story.

As I hiked Table Mountain yesterday I felt so small on that mountain. I felt so small in comparison to the world and universe. I felt so small. Yet, in my smallness, Christ died for me. It was I (us), “the small” that are significant. It is the small that God uses again and again throughout history to be a part of the story. So as I climbed, I realized my infinite insignificance in the scheme of the world, but on this Good Friday I was reminded of my great significance to God. The thought hit me that we realize the power of the cross when we see our significance in God, and we desire to enter into the story whole-heartedly, unashamedly, and willing to go, do, live and be as God desires: REDEEMED.

Camp Thoughts

Here is a stream of conscience list of my thoughts from camp. Some are funny, some are serious but they are all real and true.

1. Cereal should never be eaten with warm milk. When one’s favorite food is a good bowl of cereal, and she goes to take a first bite of cereal at camp to be disturbed with the taste of warm milk and mush in her mouth, it is disturbing.

2. Kids are kids no matter where they are from or what their socio-economic status is. At camp as I hung out with Kristen, Proxima, Lucy, and Janette I quickly realized that these girls are experiencing life and struggling with similar things that my girls back at FBC Jefferson City do as well as my Young Life girls. They, just like I at that age, desire acceptance, love and hope.

3. Getting out of one’s comfort zone and into a new adventure can open a whole new world. These children left the townships on Monday to head to a camp in the wilderness where they kayaked, hiked, did low ropes, laughed, ran around, and bathed in the beauty of God’s creation. For some of them, camp was the first time they ever left Cape Town. For some of them, camp was the time of lots of firsts. It was a time where they were free to just be kids. It was a time where they could have new experiences that did not involve the distress abusive home life, drug addicts and alcoholics and more. It was a time where they were in a place told to believe in the beauty of their dreams. It was a time they were encouraged and told they were of worth. Getting them out of their comfort zones gave the kids and opportunity to realize their worth in God. Camp was a door that opened showing them the amazing possibilities that await them.

4. Camp variety shows are some of the funniest yet most painful moments. After working Passport and having the weekly variety show, you quickly realize that some kids are talented and well some need to reconsider their calling for life. But, no matter how good or bad each act, the kids were empowered on stage. The same held true at camp when each cabin had to create a drama, song, or dance with a message. Some of the cabins acts were a bit more painful than the others but as each cabin performed, the kids were empowered. They were given an opportunity to express their talents and humor on stage. As I watched the acts, I quickly realized that this might be the first time these kids performed and were encouraged by a community who loves them saying, “Great job…keep doing what you are doing! You are talented. You are of worth.” And for that fact alone, I am willing to sit through multiple variety shows.

5. The hardest part about camp is the “camp high.” Now, it can be argued that the greatest part of camp is the “camp high” and the moments were people get it and hear God speak. Yes, those are powerful moments. But too often, when we leave camp we do not set in place adequate tools to continue to nurture the camp high so it is not just a “high” but something that lasts. Those kids definitely experience highs from camp. Now the key is to foster those highs and help nurture them so they can grow and not merely be stuck with a 5 minute high that quickly depletes once life gets in the way. I think that is the key for any camp experience be it if you are attending, chaperoning, or working the camp. The trick is figuring out how you sustain, grow, and nurture the “high moments” from camp then integrate them into your life for further, long lasting growth.

Oh, Mondays

Here is a recap of Monday as Living Hope tried to get to camp with 90 children. Now, as you read this timeline remember that we saved R 5,000 (The equivalent of $35,000) and now have quite the story to tell so perhaps it was worth it. These events are all true and nothing mentioned is an exaggeration. It was just one of those days.

8 am: Arrive in Massai to leave for camp at 8:30.

9 am: Still chilling in Massai waiting to leave thinking, “This is Africa so an hour late isn’t that bad.”

9:30 am: Starting to wonder if and when the buses would ever arrive. By this point, had heard the buses were in Fish Hoek since 8:30 which is only 15 minutes away. Losing hope quickly.

10:30 am: Buses finally arrive in Massai to pick us up two hours late, but we are still thinking “This is Africa” so two hours isn’t awful.

11 am: Arrive in Capricorn to pick up more children. All are excited to be headed to camp only 2 hours late.

11:15 am: Buses are stopped. Not going anywhere. Questions start to be raised as to why we aren’t leaving.

11:30 am: Find out the Bus Drivers refuse to leave until they are paid even though Living Hope has paid the bus company.

11:45 am: Two LSEs drive to the house of the bus company’s owner to ask for the money to be given to drivers. To their dismay, the bus owner is not there.

12:15 pm: Starving children are on the buses quickly losing patience. Hand out the fruit hoping that will get them through the wait.

1 pm: Still no sign of bus owner with the payment. Children are starving. LSEs have lost all patience. We are all praying for a miracle at this point.

1:15 pm: Make children get back on bus because there is word that the bus owner is on his way! Feed the children some more and wait.

1:30 pm: Bus owner arrives with payment. We are ready to drive 3 hours to camp. Praise Him!

1:35 pm: Realize the battery does not work on one of the buses.

1:40 pm: Concern that one of the bus drivers has been drinking while waiting for the money.

1:50 pm: Finally on the road headed to camp. Ready for the 2 ½ hour journey. Now over 5 hours behind schedule.

3 pm: Our bus cannot go up hills. Literally is going 5 mph up the hills. Now mind you, almost the entire journey is uphill. We are being passed by runners and walkers on the side of the road!!

4 pm: Slowly getting closer…about an hour away.

4:15 pm: Girl gets sick on bus….lovely smell.

4:45 pm: Finally to Stanford which is close to camp. In Stanford word on the street is that we may be lost.

5:15 pm: Arrive at camp. 6 hours late. Throw up still on bus and bus driver does not clean it. Children are crazy and hungry. LSEs are delusional and exhausted after journey. But thankfully we arrive all in one piece. Let camp begin…

Hope you got a laugh from reading about our journey. It was quite the day. Camp itself was great, and I will blog more about thoughts on camp once I've caught up on sleep. :)