Final Thoughts...

“I know this moment all to well as by now, you do to. This moment of realization that a journey is over. The realization that the life you had here is no longer and the old is the new reality. Know this, that although you have left South Africa behind, you have not ended this journey, but changed locations. I want you to hold onto this but don’t make it your defining moment. Don’t make it the highlight in your life. Make it a chapter in the story God is penning for you.”

These words from a wonderful, close friend who richly blessed my time in South Africa gives me hope as I continue to make this transition out of South Africa back into America, Tennessee, Carson Newman and home. Everyone keeps on asking me how my “experience” was and I find myself cringing. I cringe because to me the 11 weeks I spent in Cape Town, South Africa is more than an experience. It is more than a trip. It is a part of my life that so shaped me I am forever changed.

I am not sure in all the ways that I am changed. I am not completely sure how what I experienced and who I continued to become in South Africa will transcend into my life back here. But I do know that it will. I do know that I must be patient and continue to trust this process of faith back home. I do know that my time in South Africa far exceeded any expectations I could ever imagine. I do know that when I went to South Africa last July I left a piece of myself there, and I do know that when I left after these 11 weeks, I left myself. In South Africa I felt a peace resounding in my entire being that had been missing for a while. In South Africa I found my independence yet dependence. In South Africa I saw the grace in community. In South Africa I found hope. In South Africa I found joy. In South Africa I found the beauty of seeking God in the every day. In South Africa I realized the liberation of patience and trusting God’s timing. In South Africa I discovered a huge part of myself. I continued to see the story that God breathed into me when I was created be revealed. In South Africa I truly lived.

I could not have had such a wonderful, life giving time without the people who entered into my story with me. To Sarah and Casey: thank you for showing me the beauty in living the life you are called to even if that goes against “society.” To Kenny and Carla: thank you for showing me the beauty in a true partnership for marriage. To Danielle: thank you for your continued laughter and sweet spirit that made even the hardest days happy. To Melanie Dill, Meagan, Kendra, and Melissa: thank you for the Fab 5 and being sisters that I’ve never had. Thank you for the laughter, joy, honesty, and love we shared. To Ronnie, Amy and Andy: thank you for befriending me form the get go and always being there for me from borrowing hair straightners to jeans to laughter. To Clynton: thank you for being a constant from the very beginning. To Alicia: thank you for always picking me up with a smile on your face and listening ear. Our car rides mean more to me than you know. To Christina: thank you for pouring into me and for the countless Mugg and Bean chats we shared. To the Ocean View staff: thank you for letting me do ministry alongside you. Thank you for allowing me to be a part of your lives. Thank you for pouring into me. To the Teens Team: thank you for letting me be the nerdy brain box I am and for bringing me continual joy the 11 weeks I was there. To the children of Ocean View and Mountain View: thank you for being Christ to me in so many ways.

This blog seems so inadequate as I re-read what I’ve written. Words cannot sum up the past 11 weeks of my life. Words cannot adequately express how I changed and how I am impacted. Words cannot adequately express how much those I befriended and who befriended me mean to me. If I was forced to sum up my entire time in one word, however inadequate that word may be, it would be “love.” 1 John 4:7 was lived out to the fullest while there. And it is that love I hold on to and bring back with me.

Words cannot adequately express my past 11 weeks, but thank you for following my inadequate words these past 11 weeks and for entering into my journey with me.

This journey has just begun. The story is not finished. God is continuing to pen my life’s story. There is no period after my time in South Africa but merely a momentary pause, an ellipsis perhaps, as I continue this journey stateside for a bit.

A Moment with Nathaniel

Tuesday was my last full day as a Living Hope volunteer. It was a heart-wrenching day from my last time in morning devotion to my last Teens Team meeting to my exit interview. All day long I was trying to soak up every moment while looking forward to as well as dreading Kids Club because I knew when Kids Club was over and as I said my goodbyes then my 10 weeks of ministry here was “over.” Then, Nathaniel and I had a moment and I had an epiphany.

Nathaniel has been one 10 year old boy that I have connected with throughout my time at Ocean View Kids Club. He has a smile that lights up the entire room and is always up for a chat. On Tuesday, however, Nathaniel was starting to nag and punch another girl so Alistar made him go outside as punishment. My heart wrenched at this because I thought, “Oh man…my last day in club and Nathaniel isn’t even a part of it!” But, as club went on and our kids began to color, I decided to go outside and see if I could find Nathaniel. Nathaniel was outside on the steps just frowning and looking like he had the whole weight of the world on his shoulders. I sat down beside him in silence for quite some time because he was not responsive to my questions then finally the silence broke. Nathaniel with tears streaming down his face said, “Molly, it was a tough day today. My friends were just really mean to me at school and said awful things to me. It was just hard. And no one understands.” In those moments after Nathaniel spoke I tried to give encouragement as best I could. I’m really not sure if what I said changed his life or if he left feeling any better but after we finished chatting I said, “want to color with me?” And in those moments of coloring as we just sat and colored I knew that ministry of presence was meaning volumes. Tears streamed down Nathaniel’s face as we just sat and colored and I hugged him. In spending time with Nathaniel Tuesday I was reminded again of the power of the ministry of presence.

If I had been distant to these kids the past 10 weeks then that moment would have just been an awkward American volunteer who came in to “try to save the day.” If I had spent the entire time lecturing Nathaniel and hammering with questions about why he hit that girl or why his friends were mad or whether or not he showed love to his enemies he probably would have shut me out. But, in the moments when I told Nathaniel that I had plenty of days were people were just downright cruel to me and in the moments when he and I colored, the spirit of God moved. Nathaniel showed me that sure I’ve spoken truth into these kids lives from the Bible stories and such. And yes, the children have come to know more and more about Christ through the curriculum we teach. The curriculum will still be in use after I go and more volunteers will come in and pick up where I left off wth that, but what they cannot replace is my ministry of presence here. I did not do it perfectly. Sometimes I probably should have spoken more or asked more questions about the kids belief in Christ. But, through Nathaniel I realized that the moments I spent coloring, dancing, running around, braiding hair, holding hands, hugging necks, and just sitting and laughing with the children are where God moved the most. I kept on thinking about Job’s friends and how the first 7 days they came and sat with Job. They showed him ministry of presence but then when they started speaking and trying to say the “right, Biblical” things, they messed it all up because they didn’t know when to be quiet. Ministry of presence is a powerful tool, and I’m not sure what parts of my ministry will last after I leave this place, but through Nathaniel I gained hope that all my coloring, smiling, laughing and just being with kids is ministry enough and ministry that God has used, is using, and will continue to use to ever reveal and redeem these beautiful children of God.

Quick Re-Cap

1. Thursday evening was the outreach for Mountain View, and in the moments as the people came rushing in, I realized how blessed I am that I am lucky enough to call these people “friend.” It’s funny because often when we head out to do service we think of how we are going to help those in the greatest need. But really, it’s those you help whom enrich your life far greater than you ever enriched theirs. As the children ran around me, hugged me, laughed with me, and danced and singed in the aisles with me, I realized how blessed I am to be a part of their lives. The people of Mountain View and Ocean View are a part of me, and they will always be.

2. Friday evening was spent in Sutherland, South Africa. Sutherland is in the Northern Cape, and its claim to fame is that it contains the largest observatory and second largest telescope in the Southern Hemisphere. I’ve always been enamored by the stars because when I star gaze I am reminded of what a great, big God we serve. Friday evening was no different. As I looked at galaxies, colored stars, Saturn, and many more things through telescopes, and as I stopped on the side of the road to just gaze in awe at the beauty of the night sky, I was comforted. I am comforted because in those moments, I was reminded that I am far more precious than a star to God. I am comforted because I am reminded that the universe is much bigger than my tiny world. I am comforted because I see the beauty of God and in looking at the stars am reminded that in all things God works for the good. I am comforted because I know while leaving this place I love as I go home facing lots of uncertainty and lots of new adventures, I am far more precious and loved by God than any star in the sky, sand in the sea or words could say.

3. Saturday evening was spent with close friends here. It was a time of baking, crying, laughing, and enjoying company. In those moments I was thankful for my time here. Thankful I’ve grown close enough to some that I know I can cry and share my true emotions about leaving. In those moments, I also was thankful that community and hospitality are two of the greatest ways God shows us great love.

I know this post was a short one, and I promise I will blog more soon. I have been crazy busy with my finals days here, and I am trying to soak up each moment I can here. Know that I will blog longer soon. I also can’t wait to celebrate and share my South African journey in person with many of you very soon. J

A Time for Everything

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to med, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.”

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

There is a time for everything. I have said before that this time that I’ve experienced my South Africa journey could not have been a more “perfect” time. God so intricately used my past experiences and growth to mold and shape me into this place where I was ready and open for these past 10 weeks. I know there is a season for everything just as the writer of Ecclesiastes so poignantly states. The problem I am in is that I do not see my season of time being up here. Usually, in the past, when I’ve gone away to a new place for different reasons, toward the ends of my time I realize that my season is up there and am ready to return home. Now, there are huge parts of me that are ready to return home and ready to hug necks and share life with my family, friends, and friends who are family back in the States. But, with that being said, I do not feel like my season of time is up here yet. It is especially hard when I look towards my future and see myself being busy with graduate school for the next 3 years and realize that it could possibly be 3 years before I return for an extended period of time to the place that stole my heart. But, in all of this, I am realizing the importance of trust and patience. I am realizing that though my physical amount of time may be up here for now, the season of my life in which this place has had and will continue to have is not over. I must remain faithful, patient, and trust the inner voice within as I continue to figure out what this season of my life means for the days, weeks, months, and years to come.

A Taste of Community

On Sunday afternoon, I had a great “taste” of community. Meagan an LSE in Ocean View whom I’ve grown close to insisted that I must have a Gatsby before I left. If you do not know what a Gatsby is let me explain: it is a heart attack on a plate. Not really, but it’s close. A Gatsby is the famous sub of South Africa that consists of lots of bread, French fries, meat, sauces, and more sauce and more grease. I am not a fan of unhealthy to the extreme that the Gatsby is, but I knew that the symbol of the Gatsby was an important one. I also knew it wouldn’t kill me to stop calorie counting in order to have this South African dish. Now, the Gatsby is a symbol of community because the thing is HUGE and one person cannot eat it alone. So, you eat it with others and when you order it they slice it for however many people. People kept on telling me that in the colored community especially Gatsby’s symbolized your community coming together to share in this delicacy. So as Meagan, Melanie, Kendra and I sat at Muizenburg beach conquering the beast that is “the Gatsby,” I couldn’t help but think on community and what that means to me.

As I ate the Gatsby with four women who have touched my life in so many ways this past semester, I felt the impact of this community here in Cape Town. The fact that I’ve had the blessing to be a part of people’s lives here is one of the greatest things from my experience here. The fact that I’ve been able to pour into as well as be poured into by so many these past 9 weeks is something I will never forget. Being surrounded by such wonderful community is what enriched my experience here. Being surrounded by such wonderful community is why I desire to come back here. From the fab five to random volunteer excursions to playing cards, walking to the store, Teens Team laughter, children’s embraces, laughter, tears, discussions about life, honesty, truth, prayer, and comfort, community engulfs me here. Yesterday walking to club the children in Ocean View ran out of their homes to give me hugs. In those moments, I knew that not only did I view this place as my community but they view me as part of their community. That meant so much. It was one of the most bitter-sweet moments of my time here because just as I feel this great sense of community, reality hits that I leave in a week. Last night as we celebrated Kendra’s birthday and I sat at the table surrounded by close, close friends it was bittersweet, too. But, I choose to focus on the sweet because I trust that this community I’ve found here is not going to end when I step on the plane and leave. I know that I will be back, but more importantly than that, I know that this community goes with me just as my community from home came with me here.

As I’ve realized all these things about my community here these past few days, I’ve been reminded of my wonderful community back home. As some of you know, one of the greatest things I took away from my first trip to Cape Town was the idea of UBUNTU: I am because we are. So much of who I am and who I’ve been here is because of YOU back home. It is because of my community the past 22 years in all the different forms it takes. It is because of my community back home that is easing the blow of leaving here and coming home. I know I am returning to a wonderful community that means so much to me.

The reality of leaving here is a painful one, but I know that I am not leaving here in spirit. And I know that I have a comforting community back home that will embrace me with open arms knowing that my life and community expanded these past 10 weeks and just as I brought my home community to South Africa, I am bring my South African community back home. So be prepared, because I am because we are. I am because of my family, my life long friends, my college pals, the RBC, my Passport days, FBC Jeff City, my DC community, Ocean View and Mountain View children, Living Hope, and all the wonderful people who are friends but have become my family these past 10 weeks here. I have a kaleidoscope of community, of UBUNTU and am so blessed. The thing is that we can all have UBUNTU if we but embrace community and importance of it. If there is one thing I’ve been constantly reminded of and know for certain from my journey of life thus far is that we were not made to live in isolation or to be alone on this journey. In community we see God at work. In community we find joy. In community we share burdens. In community we grow. In community we are because of one another.

Holiday Club Time

This past week has been a fun-filled, exhausting yet rewarding time as an LSE because of Holiday Club. The school system here is on a schedule very similar to year round school so around certain times of the year there are extended holidays. One extended holiday is over Easter. Whenever different holidays occur, Living Hope hosts Holiday Clubs where the kids and teens come for a longer program that involves special curriculum. Now normally at Kids Club in Ocean View we will have anywhere between 30-50 children but at Holiday Club this week we had over 100 and during Teens Holiday Club we were averaging 50!! Besides getting terribly sick on Friday after I ate my first samosa, it was a wonderful week on which I wish to share a bit.

On Tuesday morning all the Ocean View staff arrived at the office to discuss the plan for the week, give out assignments, and get pumped for the week ahead. During this hour planning time, my Type A self was a bit stressed out because it seemed like we had nothing planned, but during that time, it some how all cam together. During that time, Nathan (the head LSE in Ocean View) assigned me to be in charge of the pre-schoolers all week. Now, I love children, and since being here really have a new love for them. But at the same time, I do not feel that my gifts lie in helping the little ones. But somehow, some way, being with the preschoolers all week, teaching them the Bible Story, helping them with crafts, playing with them, holding them, feeding them, laughing with them, and loving them has been one of my high lights of my entire experience here. I absolutely adore these children. When I saw their face light up when the understood the Bible story my heart overflowed with joy. When they were crawling all over me yelling, “Molly, Molly play with me” or “Molly, Molly watch me do this” my heart melted. In those moments, I continued to realize how Christ is so evident in little children. Some how, God even granted me the patience and grace as I fed them and helped them go to the bathroom. Two things I said I would never do.

Not only did I love seeing the preschoolers have a wonderful time at Holiday Club but I loved seeing all the children love Holiday Club and come to a place where they knew they were loved and wanted. As the children sang songs, played games, recited memory verses and more, I realized that these Holiday Clubs are moments in these children’s lives that they will look back on and remember fondly. Just as I have VBS, Bible Drill, and countless other experiences I look back on fondly from my child hood, these children have the same memories. This entire week was a week where they were continually being exposed to the love of God. I realized that so much of living out our faith consists in just planting seeds. It consists of meeting needs, loving others, sharing good news, and being Christ’s hands and feet in whatever situation we find ourselves.

Another special moment for me from Holiday Club week was Teens Club. Now in the mornings here I am a member of the Teens Team so we wrote and created the entire curriculum for Holiday Club. Creating the curriculum was definitely a high light for me but seeing the curriculum be used and work was an even greater high light for me. Now the Teens Team jokes and calls me the “brain box,” and seeing some of my “brain box” ideas work this week for teens was exhilarating. I loved that the teens loved some of the crazy games I suggested. I loved that most of the teens that showed up were the gang bangers and guys strung out on drugs. I loved it because the entire weeks emphasis was on leadership and what good leadership looks like as we look to Christ as the ultimate example of servant leadership. Many of these guys that showed up are the “leaders” of Ocean View so as they sat and listened and soaked up a little or a lot of what was said, seeds were being planted in their lives. Meagan, has been praying that God would really use this Leadership Curriculum to transform the teens of Ocean View, and it was so neat and moving to see how God has, is, and will continue to work on this transformation of this area. On Thursday, Meagan asked me if I would deliver the Big Group talk for the teens. I was rather nervous speaking because I knew that most of these guys are very rough around the edges and probably don’t have the most respect for this American volunteer. But somehow, some way, God used what little thoughts and words I mustered to show how Christ is the ultimate servant, selfless leader and how Christ calls us to the same standard. As I spoke, I saw some teens dazing off into space but I saw others that were listening intently. That in itself was enough for me. It was yet another time when God continues to define the YES in my life. One of the activities for the teens the day I spoke was for them to take their snack for the day (fruit) and give it to someone in Ocean View who needed it more than them. To watch them all get excited as they did it, and to see the smiles that engulfed their faces as they handed out fruit was life-giving. It was a moment where I kept on thinking of the widow and her two coins. For many of these teens, this piece of fruit was a large part of the only food they’d have for the day yet they were willing to give it to someone who needed it more than them. For the widow, the two coins were all that she had to give yet she gave without hindrance. For us, we have much to give yet we often hold onto it thinking we may need it later on when disaster or tragedy or famine strikes. But that isn’t what Christ calls us to? Christ calls us to give all that we have whatever that may be, however much or little that is. And to think I gripe about giving 10% to tithe. But don’t you and I have so much more to give than just 10%?

It was a wonderful week for Holiday Club, and I cannot wait to see what lies ahead for my last full week of Kids Club this coming week! Hard to believe my time is coming to a close.

Have you ever wanted?

Today was my 5^th day off and while it has been nice to have time off for Holiday, the days off came at an interesting time. The interesting time is that the reality that I am leaving in 16 days has hit. With that reality, much thinking occurs. Now, if you know me well you know that my brain never stops thinking, but when I have extra free time like these past 5 days, my brain goes on overdrive thinking mode. This evening after returning from the Waterfront the thoughts about here, there and everywhere flooded my head. I knew I needed quiet time to think, pray, and reflect. At one point during that time, I turned my Ipod on and began to be soothed by song. One song in particular came on by Shawn McDonald. In the song, he kept singing, “Have you ever wanted?” Well that got me to thinking….right now I am at a time where I am wanting a lot as my journey to South Africa is coming to a close quicker than what I realized.

I want these next 15 days to go by slowly. When I signed up for 10 weeks, I did not realize how quickly that time would pass. It seems that right as I am forming strong community and ministry, I am leaving it as quickly as I found it.

I want these next 15 days to go by quickly. A part of me thinks that if these next 15 days go by quickly then I will not continue to get attached to the people here. There is a huge part of me that knows the leaving is going to be painful no matter when I leave so a part of me wants these days to fly by quickly so I won’t be even more attached to this place that I must leave.

I want Ocean View to be transformed. I want poverty to be eradicated here. I want Christians to stand up for what is right and do something about the problems that plague the world. I want Meagan and Bianca and Kristen and Octavia to become empowered through education to be able to break the norm here.

I want my transition back at Carson Newman to not be painful like it was after returning from camp in 2008 and after returning from DC in 2009. I want my friends to embrace me for who I am, not who I used to be. I want them to love me even if they don’t “get me.” I want to enjoy all the last senior moments I’m about to experience.

I want to return to Cape Town at some point in my life. I desire to come back and make this place community for me at some point in my life, hopefully sooner than later.

I want to live in the moment these last days, and I want to return home continuing to live in the moment there. I want to be able to dwell on my time in South Africa but not get stuck in the dwelling to miss out on life in front of me.

I want to continue to live the life God called me to boldly, unashamedly, patiently, and diligently. I want to strive to continually be transformed each day into the person God breathed life into 21, almost 22, years ago.

A Good Friday Reflection

I had a Good Friday like I’ve never had before. I went hiking. Not only did I go hiking, but I hiked Table Mountain. Table Mountain is a famous landmark for Cape Town which attracts multitudes of people each year. When I was here this past June we rode the cable car up, and I knew if I came back that I wanted to hike the mountain. Now, this hike is definitely known to be quite strenuous, but it was worth every second. (It was even worth it after my clumsy self ran into a tree and fell down. J) There are multiple different routes to hike up Table Mountain but our group decided on Skeleton’s Gorge which is a longer, harder journey, but it is worth it because you hike through different terrain. As we hiked up the mountain on Good Friday I could not help but ponder life, the day and what Good Friday means for you and me.

The central theme that stuck out to me throughout the entire day while basking in the beauty of God’s creation, soaking in the moment, and living life to the fullest in those moments is that I was only able to hike yesterday because of what Christ did on the cross. God, through the suffering, death and resurrection of Christ, redeemed you and I. In that single act God bestowed upon all of creation the single greatest act of selfless love in history. Now since that moment, society has butchered that love, misused it, abused it, and struggled to understand it but that does not change the fact that God still desires to redeem all of creation to God’s self. And the crazy thing is that when Christ died upon that Cross God beckoned us to enter into the story.

As I hiked Table Mountain yesterday I felt so small on that mountain. I felt so small in comparison to the world and universe. I felt so small. Yet, in my smallness, Christ died for me. It was I (us), “the small” that are significant. It is the small that God uses again and again throughout history to be a part of the story. So as I climbed, I realized my infinite insignificance in the scheme of the world, but on this Good Friday I was reminded of my great significance to God. The thought hit me that we realize the power of the cross when we see our significance in God, and we desire to enter into the story whole-heartedly, unashamedly, and willing to go, do, live and be as God desires: REDEEMED.

Camp Thoughts

Here is a stream of conscience list of my thoughts from camp. Some are funny, some are serious but they are all real and true.

1. Cereal should never be eaten with warm milk. When one’s favorite food is a good bowl of cereal, and she goes to take a first bite of cereal at camp to be disturbed with the taste of warm milk and mush in her mouth, it is disturbing.

2. Kids are kids no matter where they are from or what their socio-economic status is. At camp as I hung out with Kristen, Proxima, Lucy, and Janette I quickly realized that these girls are experiencing life and struggling with similar things that my girls back at FBC Jefferson City do as well as my Young Life girls. They, just like I at that age, desire acceptance, love and hope.

3. Getting out of one’s comfort zone and into a new adventure can open a whole new world. These children left the townships on Monday to head to a camp in the wilderness where they kayaked, hiked, did low ropes, laughed, ran around, and bathed in the beauty of God’s creation. For some of them, camp was the first time they ever left Cape Town. For some of them, camp was the time of lots of firsts. It was a time where they were free to just be kids. It was a time where they could have new experiences that did not involve the distress abusive home life, drug addicts and alcoholics and more. It was a time where they were in a place told to believe in the beauty of their dreams. It was a time they were encouraged and told they were of worth. Getting them out of their comfort zones gave the kids and opportunity to realize their worth in God. Camp was a door that opened showing them the amazing possibilities that await them.

4. Camp variety shows are some of the funniest yet most painful moments. After working Passport and having the weekly variety show, you quickly realize that some kids are talented and well some need to reconsider their calling for life. But, no matter how good or bad each act, the kids were empowered on stage. The same held true at camp when each cabin had to create a drama, song, or dance with a message. Some of the cabins acts were a bit more painful than the others but as each cabin performed, the kids were empowered. They were given an opportunity to express their talents and humor on stage. As I watched the acts, I quickly realized that this might be the first time these kids performed and were encouraged by a community who loves them saying, “Great job…keep doing what you are doing! You are talented. You are of worth.” And for that fact alone, I am willing to sit through multiple variety shows.

5. The hardest part about camp is the “camp high.” Now, it can be argued that the greatest part of camp is the “camp high” and the moments were people get it and hear God speak. Yes, those are powerful moments. But too often, when we leave camp we do not set in place adequate tools to continue to nurture the camp high so it is not just a “high” but something that lasts. Those kids definitely experience highs from camp. Now the key is to foster those highs and help nurture them so they can grow and not merely be stuck with a 5 minute high that quickly depletes once life gets in the way. I think that is the key for any camp experience be it if you are attending, chaperoning, or working the camp. The trick is figuring out how you sustain, grow, and nurture the “high moments” from camp then integrate them into your life for further, long lasting growth.

Oh, Mondays

Here is a recap of Monday as Living Hope tried to get to camp with 90 children. Now, as you read this timeline remember that we saved R 5,000 (The equivalent of $35,000) and now have quite the story to tell so perhaps it was worth it. These events are all true and nothing mentioned is an exaggeration. It was just one of those days.

8 am: Arrive in Massai to leave for camp at 8:30.

9 am: Still chilling in Massai waiting to leave thinking, “This is Africa so an hour late isn’t that bad.”

9:30 am: Starting to wonder if and when the buses would ever arrive. By this point, had heard the buses were in Fish Hoek since 8:30 which is only 15 minutes away. Losing hope quickly.

10:30 am: Buses finally arrive in Massai to pick us up two hours late, but we are still thinking “This is Africa” so two hours isn’t awful.

11 am: Arrive in Capricorn to pick up more children. All are excited to be headed to camp only 2 hours late.

11:15 am: Buses are stopped. Not going anywhere. Questions start to be raised as to why we aren’t leaving.

11:30 am: Find out the Bus Drivers refuse to leave until they are paid even though Living Hope has paid the bus company.

11:45 am: Two LSEs drive to the house of the bus company’s owner to ask for the money to be given to drivers. To their dismay, the bus owner is not there.

12:15 pm: Starving children are on the buses quickly losing patience. Hand out the fruit hoping that will get them through the wait.

1 pm: Still no sign of bus owner with the payment. Children are starving. LSEs have lost all patience. We are all praying for a miracle at this point.

1:15 pm: Make children get back on bus because there is word that the bus owner is on his way! Feed the children some more and wait.

1:30 pm: Bus owner arrives with payment. We are ready to drive 3 hours to camp. Praise Him!

1:35 pm: Realize the battery does not work on one of the buses.

1:40 pm: Concern that one of the bus drivers has been drinking while waiting for the money.

1:50 pm: Finally on the road headed to camp. Ready for the 2 ½ hour journey. Now over 5 hours behind schedule.

3 pm: Our bus cannot go up hills. Literally is going 5 mph up the hills. Now mind you, almost the entire journey is uphill. We are being passed by runners and walkers on the side of the road!!

4 pm: Slowly getting closer…about an hour away.

4:15 pm: Girl gets sick on bus….lovely smell.

4:45 pm: Finally to Stanford which is close to camp. In Stanford word on the street is that we may be lost.

5:15 pm: Arrive at camp. 6 hours late. Throw up still on bus and bus driver does not clean it. Children are crazy and hungry. LSEs are delusional and exhausted after journey. But thankfully we arrive all in one piece. Let camp begin…

Hope you got a laugh from reading about our journey. It was quite the day. Camp itself was great, and I will blog more about thoughts on camp once I've caught up on sleep. :)

Undone

This morning I was reading from my Blue Book, the devotional I’ve been using since Freshman year of college. (If you have not heard of one of the Brummett’s discuss the Blue Book, please call the Knoxville Young Life office right now and order one for yourself.) It is very neat that I’ve done this devotional for the past four years at different points, and each time I begin the Blue Book again new light is shed. Yes, I have done this weeks emphasis multiple times but each time, God uses it to speak to me in a new way. This weeks emphasis was “Undone.” As I began the chapter, I re-read over my notes that I had made the summer of 2008. The summer of 2008 was hands down the summer my life became 100%, totally, completely, unashamedly “undone.” It was the summer I realized the beauty in my brokenness. Since that summer, my life has never been the same. I no longer am content with the status quo. I no longer was content with the “typical” college experience or with acting like I should not care with the problems with the world. Since that moment, I was not comfortable with being content in doing half-ass works for the Kingdom. Since that summer, I was no longer content with acting like I had it all together. I realized in that summer we are all broken, and it is in admitting, believing, and living in and through our brokenness that God uses us.

One of my favorite readings for reflection from the “Undone” chapter is by Thomas Merton where he states, “Indeed, when we understand the true nature of His love for us, we will prefer to come to Him poor and helpless. We will never be ashamed of our distress. Distress is to our advantage when we have nothing to seek but mercy. We can be glad of our helplessness when we really believe that His power is made perfect in our infirmity.” What a beautiful picture of the understanding of the love of God!! As I re-read this this morning, I realized that the reason God seems so much more powerful here is that the love of God is understood by these people here in the midst of their brokenness. The brokenness is easy to spot here: poverty, AIDS, substance abuse, domestic abuse, and hunger to name a few. Many people here, unlike us, don’t have masks to put on before God. They can’t hide behind their wealth, security, house, family, career, cars, designer clothes, and fancy vacations. All they have to offer is their brokenness to God who uses their brokenness to show His power and love for them. When they receive the love of God they receive it fully because they come before Him fully broken. Now, I am not saying that we first world Christians do not come to God broken. But, I believe it takes us a lot longer to get to the point of realizing our brokenness, owning it, living in it, and coming to God with it. We are taught to not be broken but to have it all together. Now, we are taught to come to God poor and broken when we accept Christ into our lives and that God accepts us just as we are. Which is 100% totally true. But, I think where we mess up is that we don’t realize the beauty and power in recognizing and living in our brokenness. For I know in my life, once I received Christ in my life as a child and growing up, I felt this sense that since I was a Christian I was no longer supposed to be broken after receiving the Holy Spirit. IN that moment of salvation God had changed me and made me a new creation. And because I was a new creation, brokenness just meant “weak Christian.” Maybe I heard sermons wrong and misinterpreted how people were living out their faith around me to get that assumption. But regardless, it wasn’t until the summer of 2008 when I came to God fully broken and undone and was ok to stay a broken vessel for the power of God to flow through and use that my life has been transformed on levels I could never even have imagined. That is the reality I see here: broken, undone vessels all around me that God uses to bring hope, love, and compassion to all we come in contact with. Perhaps helping be a part of the Kingdom of God in the here and now means exactly what Merton said: showing people the power of God amidst their brokenness and allowing ourselves to understand the love of God amidst our continued brokenness as we join together with broken lives being restored by God, being completely open to God as we are undone, and therefore fully allowing God to use us by His power and love.

The Power of Story

On Tuesday, I had the privilege to go to the first session of Women’s Groups in Ocean View. As we gathered, we began to share stories. It was my job to think of questions to ask the women to begin to open up and share with one another. I am so thankful Sarah gave me this task because I love asking questions. More than loving to ask the questions about others, I love finding out the answers. Because I believe when every answer is given there is a story behind it. A story of life that makes the person who they are. Some of the stories shared were funny yet others wrenched my heart. One of the questions I asked was, “What is a childhood memory you miss?” Multiple women discussed times in their lives in Simons Town, Nordhoek and other areas before they were kicked out of their homes and sent to Ocean View. My heart ached because I cannot begin to imagine what it must have been like to be literally kicked out of your home and community and sent to a barren area which was forced to become home. My heart also overflowed with joy because here in the Methodist Church there is now a weekly place where these women can gather and share their stories. They no longer have to feel isolated and alone in this journey of life. They can now come together and do life together. They now have a place where everyone can share their story together.

As I heard these women share their stories, it got me to thinking about my story and what has shaped me. It made me recollect the many broken parts of my life and struggles which were painful and brutal at times yet God used to create something beautiful. It made me think of the numerous wonderful times in my life full of happiness, joy and love. Tuesday night made me realize we all have a story. Stories which God continues to use to mold us, shape us, undo us, and transform us if we but let Him.

Snapshots

These past few days have been extremely busy and the few free seconds I had I spent watching Felicity. (Kendra has the entire series and I quickly became hooked!) A part of not blogging these past few days was out of busyness but a part was also out of wanting to stop time. There is a part of me that thinks if I do not write down what is going on then time would stop because I’d still be able to experience life here for a long time with no need to capture my thoughts. I know that that has no logical value nor does it make any sense except in my head. But, I do want to blog, and I know when I return home these entries will be a well-spring from which I can drink as I transition back. This entry is entitled “snapshots” because I’ve had multiple experiences these past few days that snapshots of inadequate words will bridge my experience to you.

On Thursday night I went to the Capricorn Celebration after my day ended in Ocean View. Usually when churches come to volunteer for Living Hope they host a Celebration Night one evening in the community where they are working. Shades Mountain came for the entire week and on their last night they hosted a celebration for the people of Capricorn. It is a time of fellowship, singing, testimony, sermon, and food. The evening consisted of many different feelings, thoughts and emotions for me because Capricorn was the place where I worked this summer when I came, and Thursday was my first time back to that community, but one thought in particular I want to share.

I’ve grown up hearing the miracles of Christ. I’ve seen countless skits, heard multiple sermons, reflected on thousands of devotions on the miracles, especially Jesus feeding the 5,000. It was not until Thursday night, however, that the magnitude of that event hit me. I’d always thought it was a neat story and would have been rad to witness. But on Thursday night as the hundreds of people lined up for us to feed them, there somehow seemed to be just the right amount of food. The pots of food did not look like a lot when we began but somehow every mouth was fed and some mouths were even fed twice!! In those moments of serving food, the power of Christ hit me. Here was a man who saw these people hungry, took what he could find, and fed them all. It was amazing to me to fed 200 people, I cannot begin to imagine what it looked like to feed 5,000!! It must have been such a powerful, moving moment. As we passed out food, I realized that God always provides enough. We are never without loaves and fish in our lives, whatever those things may symbolize to us at a give time. We may not always think it is enough, or we may not always be given exactly what we want. But regardless, it is enough, and it satisfies our deepest hunger.

On Friday night I received an email that greatly impacted the next step in my journey. On Friday evening I received an email from Wake Forest saying I was chosen as a Wait Fellow for the class of 2013. In that moment as I read those words, floods of emotions came over me. I was ecstatic and a friend in Cape Town got a taste of that excitement when I called him and all I could do was scream, “I got it! I got it! I got it!! AHHHHHHH!” Joy hit because I realized that Wake really is the place for me regardless of the Wait Fellowship. The Wait Fellowship is merely icing on the cake. Though excitement and joy consumed me, I was also sad because in those moments I wanted to be celebrating with and telling my close friends and family the news. Even though a tinge of sadness struck, I am thankful for being blessed to have such a wonderful community that helped get me this far and will continue to be with me on the next part of my journey.

On Saturday I participated in the Women’s Rally at Ocean View I blogged previously about. It was an amazing time as I fellowshipped there because here women gathered, churched and un-churched, young and old. They were united and enjoyed one another. So many of the women came up to me excited about the small groups that begin this week specifically for women. So many women had smiles on their faces again when you could tell the smile had been gone for a long time. I am so thankful to Pastor Sarah Prince for feeling the call, seeing the need, and meeting it for these women in Ocean View.

After I left the rally, I experienced my first RUGBY game!! (Go Stormers!!) It was such a fun time with Melanie, Kendra, Danielle, Al, Amy, Ronnie, Kenny, Carla and Clynton. Luckily Clynton knows a thing or two about Rugby so he explained the game for me to understand. I loved it!! It is so fast paced and VIOLENT!! (Amy Sauls, you would LOVE rugby…it is way better than hockey. J) Afterwards we went to a restaurant called Primy (not Creamy as I first thought) and thoroughly enjoyed great food, conversation and laughter. I love the laughter here. Since being here, I’ve realized that it isn’t that we don’t laugh in the States, but we get too busy to take time to really sit down and enjoy life with each other. It is in this hustle and bustle trap where the laughter begins to grow quieter and then can completely dim except on occasion.

On Sunday I went with Ronnie to Hillsong. Now here is a disclaimer: I have been very critical of Hillsong ever since I went this summer. I am not always a fan of the “this is a performance type of service where we spend tons of money for the bells and whistles where only pretty people are on stage and our altar calls are always 30 minutes plus.” But, this summer when I came back from the Hillsong service not thoroughly impressed, a friend said, “Molly, I see your point, but don’t you have to think that God uses all types of churches? Don’t you think God is a big enough God that God takes the broken pieces of every church and somehow, someway uses them for the betterment of the Kingdom?” Those questions really began in me a serious questioning and realization that I do not know the “perfect” way to do church and neither does anyone next to me. Due to our different experiences, view points, and beliefs, we all try to be the Body of Christ in the best way we know how. It is not our place to judge one church over another or one worship service over another. It is not our place to go to a church worship service merely for the “fancy lights and great band that gives me a worship high” or go for the “liturgical rituals which make me feel oh so holy.” No. Wherever we find church, wherever we chose to worship should be a place where we find community. And we should not fall into the trap of avoiding a church and being completely closed to it because “it isn’t my thing.” No matter what church service we go to be it traditional, contemporary, blended, fancy-smanzy, or country, we should examine our hearts first as we enter into worship. Hopefully, in examining ourselves we realize that we do not have it all figured out. We are NOT God. Therefore, we should find compassion, respect, and love for those who do “church” differently. Now it doesn’t mean we can’t have discussions about what it means to be the Body of Christ and discuss and try out different types of worship. But, I am really beginning to realize that we all have something to bring to the table: conservatives, fundamentalists, progressives, flaming liberals and the list can go on. If we would turn our hearts from ourselves in worship and what we think is “correct worship and correct doctrine” and turn our hearts toward God, God will reveal what God wishes in whatever type of worship service we find ourselves in.

That is what I found at Hillsong at Sunday at least. Yes, it was still flashy and yes, pretty people flooded the stage. But as we sang, God spoke to me. As we prayed with quite a few uplifted hands in the crowd, I listened to the One who created me. I realized that the power, goodness, and truth of God is present if we are but open (even when it means we remove our jadedness and judgment against those people and worship services which make us a bit “uncomfortable.”)

Bests

I woke up Wednesday morning and reality hit. I’ve hit the half-way point of my journey in Cape Town. I woke up that morning with a wish. I wish I could slow down time and make my Cape Town experience last longer. I woke up as well with a peace. I have peace in trusting God, trusting my journey and in faith knowing that if I am to return to Cape Town it will happen in time if I am but patient. I woke up Wednesday excited. I am excited by the past 5 weeks and am excited for these next 5.

Each Wednesday marks a week passed and a new week of my journey in Cape Town. Two of my wonderful friends at Carson Newman wrote me a letter to open each week that passes. This morning in Amy’s letter she said, “Write down your best moments so far and your not so best moments so far.” What better place to write some of those down then on a blog? J (I can’t promise that each of these thoughts will be parallel in form so the nerd in me apologizes in advance.)

Bests So Far:

Meagan taking Melanie and I to her favorite beach spot one Sunday afternoon. Meagan let Melanie and I into parts of her life that day that not many people are ever shown. By her taking us to the beach, she said, “I want you both in my life as amazing friends.” It was a glorious day.

My friendship, laughter and chats with Melanie Dill. Melanie Dill is a blessing to my life. She listens to me, laughs with me, cries with me, hugs me, and is a constant for me here.

The presentation this week at False Bay College on sex, AIDS, STIs, and pornography. After the presentation, we had multiple students call Living Hope saying what an impact the presentation made and how they are re-thinking the promiscuous ways in which they live.

The children at Mountain View and Ocean View who yell, “Molly! Molly! Molly!” as I walk to them each day. On days I do not get to see the kids, my heart aches so I cannot begin to imagine how I am going to manage going back home and not being able to see, play, hug, and love them in person.

The love and prayers which enveloped me during my WAIT interview. I know that both here and far people were praying for me and for my preparation. I cannot keep track of the numerous comments of love, encouragement, and support that were spoken to me by my community here as the nerves hit, tears fell, and anxiety increased as I prepared for Monday night. Each prayer spoken, hug given, and smiled shared reminded me that I am loved both near and far.

Wonderful chats that continue to overflow here with other volunteers, LSEs, and friends met on my first trip to Cape Town that I would never replace. I love meeting people and really getting to know them and that is ringing true here. Conversations had over lunch, laughter, sunsets, Kauai smoothies, dinner at the house, or Mugg and Bean are refreshing and bring great delight to my life.

The preparations for Kids Club each week which brings joy to be because the children really are getting the heart of the curriculum. Each time we share the Bible story and ask questions after, I see the lights come on in the children. These children teach me so much about God and God’s love and what that should look like for our life!

A girl from Ocean View who gave me a letter she wrote this week. She made the card and envelope just to tell me how much she loves me. It was precious. She can’t pronounce Molly so she calls me “Molney.” Her letter is one I will keep forever.

At training this week we went around the room sharing what great things each ministry is doing. Hearing everything that Living Right is accomplishing was a huge encouragement to all of us as we are worn down from the long days. It is clearly evident that God is using Living Hope and the Living Right program to restore the people here.

Watching sunsets over the ocean will never get old here and will always be a “best” for me. Each sunset I watch is a bit different yet continues to amaze me by its beauty. Each sunset I watch I am reminded of what a great God we serve. Each sunset I am reminded to seek peace. Each sunset I am reminded to continue to journey courageously and boldly this journey of life.

These are just a few “bests” for me so far. There are many that I’ve experienced and haven’t shared, and I know there will be many more to come. May we each remember to embrace and rejoice in the “bests” in our life.

Let me tell you about my friends...

Nathaniel is a 10 year old boy who has more gumption for life than anyone I’ve met. He has a smile that spreads across his face. We enjoy chatting about school and how he likes learning. He tells me about his soccer skills and laughs at me when I try to kick a ball. He has a true servant heart and is always looking for ways to help us during Kids Club.

Romeino is my personal translator. Each day I’m at Mountain View she helps me understand what is being said in Afrikaans. Her face lights up each time she explains something because she always want to be a helper. She loves to wear dresses and be “girly.” We enjoy chats about nail polish, hairstyles, and her day.

Lorenzo is my quiet, shy friend who looks for me until I find him. He is a man of little words, but I know his heart is full of love for others. He always listens intently as we teach during Kids Club and can answer articulately. When we color, he always shows off his masterpieces with pride on his face. He especially loves to play the jumping game I created for the kids. I know if there is any spare second then he will be by my side ready to jump!!

Amber and Bianca are my pals with a rough exterior but who just desire to be kids. It took a few weeks before they opened up, but once they did, they haven’t stopped. As they plat my hair before club we chat about their days, family, hopes and dreams. I can tell their demeanor is changing, and they are beginning to realize what beautiful, amazing, valued children of God they are.

Kyle is my buddy with all the energy!! He is the child you know is a discipline problem in the classroom, but all he wants is love. All he wants is for people to see him as important. Every time he tells me about a soccer play or adventure he went on, I love listening intently and nodding my head at the important parts. He has quite the stories so he helps keep my imagination alive and active!!

Keisha and Alisha are my friends who remind me to embrace the inner child. Our time is spent singing songs, laughing, and dancing. Their smiles light up the room and remind me that we must embrace every moment.

Jarrod is my little man. He is only four but acts like he is forty. He has a laugh that could even make the stoic crack a smile. He is very, very bright and each time we hang out he tells be his numbers and letters. He loves being reminded of what a smart boy he is. He loves making others laugh and always wants to be the center of attention.

These are just a few of my friends I’ve made thus far. Each child that comes into Kids Club brightens my heart. More than that, they each have a part of my heart. These are children for whom I want the best. These are friends who I will be fighting for justice, reconciliation, restoration, and compassion for for the rest of my life. For Christ himself stated, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these.” (Luke 18:16)

Mommy

A little girl called me “mommy” today. At first I thought she was saying, “Molly” but the other LSEs quickly commented that she kept saying, “Mommy” not “Molly.” She could not stop saying, “Mommy, mommy help me color.” As I went to her, helped her color, held her, and played with her hair, I could not stop wondering what happened to her real mom? Did she abandon her? Did she die of AIDS? Is she a drug addict and present but not there? As these questions flooded my head I looked around the room and realized this little girl is not the exception to the rule. This is life for many of these children: life without a mother. My heart breaks for these children tonight. Here I am, a young woman who is the only mother figure this child has. I cannot imagine my life without my mom so my heart breaks. My heart broke as I heard her sweetly yet desperately say “Mommy.” My heart breaks because I know she is not the only one. My heart breaks at the reality of the situation. My heart breaks at the multitudes of times I take my mother for granted. My heart breaks for this generation of children who raising themselves and calling out “mommy” in the desperate hope that someone, somewhere will hear, listen, and help.

When you know it is right...

People continue to ask how I am, if I’m homesick etc. My response continues to be, “I’m at peace here. I miss home, and I miss my family and friends. But I am at peace. I know this is right.” Here are just a few reasons why I know it is “right.”

1. Each morning as I rise I am excited about the adventure of the day. I don’t feel a sense of dread or of wishing I were somewhere else.

2. I laugh here…all the time!! Now I am generally a happy, optimistic, glass half full kind of girl and I love to laugh. Back home I especially love the belly laughs I experience with my mom and Melodie. I get those belly laughs at least once a day if not more here.

3. I am being stretched. Each day is not a cake walk. Every day has challenges and growing opportunities. Every day I am learning a bit more about myself and God. This summer a friend said, “Molly, shouldn’t we live each day praying God reveals more of God’s self to us? Isn’t that what journeying is all about?” I feel that that occurs here.

4. I feel at peace. In the fall at CNC, I was content but not at peace. It was a great but hard semester. But this semester, peace abounds in my soul.

5. I see Christ in children, adults, teens, whites, blacks coloreds each day. Each day I get to see God’s creativity and beautiful creations in each one of us. Every day I realize more and more how God is with us; in us; among us.

6. Each night I look at the stars in awe knowing there is no other place I’d rather be standing in the presence of our God.

7. When I’m not around my Ocean View and Mountain View kids I really miss them!! Now, I like kids but generally have never had a desire to be with children 24/7 until being here. They all bring joy to my life in a unique, special way.

8. I love it here more the second time then I ever did the first. That concept is hard for me to grasp because I fell in love here this summer. My love for this place this time, however, far surpasses this summer.

9. Each day I realize another part of my past experience that shaped me, molded me, and prepared me for being here.

10. I found a community of friends here. Now granted, I am Lea Ann’s daughter so I know how to become a friend with just about anyone, but it is different here. I know that some of these friendships will last for a lifetime, just like the community of friends I met and kept from camp.

These are just a few reasons why I know it is right. I am sure there will be more to come.

I’m off to the Argus race this morning bright and early…I will blog about it and my “touristy” weekend soon I am sure!! Please be in prayer for tomorrow, Monday March 15^th. I have my WAIT scholarship interview at 1:30 eastern/12:30 central time.

Peace be upon all of you. Know that my love for each of you stretches across the oceans and continents.

Decisions, decisions...

Some of you may know this and some may not. While here in Cape Town, I have to decide where the next three years of my life will be spent: North Carolina or New Jersey. Newer, smaller, more opportunities to create a unique program tailored to me or larger, world renowned, established institution. I have made the pros and cons lists. I have prayed and listened. I have had a few sleepless nights. I have questioned. I have talked to mentors and friends, and now I must decide. My dad keeps on telling me, “Molly, trust the process. You won’t go wrong.” And I know that is true, but yet my heart has been in turmoil these past few days. I am about to share some reasons why I think I am in such angst, and as you read them, please pray with me through them.

Princeton is the logical choice. I got in. It is something I’ve always wanted. It’s a phenomenal academic institution and near so many inner city opportunities, yet Princeton itself is in an academic bubble. I would be moving to an extremely rich town where the middle class does not exist. I’d be going to a place that by its name alone could open doors for my career. But I also would be going to a place where students would try to one up each other on “brilliance,” and I wonder as we did that if I’d lose sight of the echo within me? But, by saying no to Princeton, a part of me may always wonder, “what if?” or if I “settled.” At the heart of it, by saying no to Princeton I think I may disappoint others and people who’s opinions I love and cherish may think I made a “wrong choice” or may not understand. Princeton may be an opportunity I may never have again. Princeton really is an amazing choice, yet why do I still so torn by saying "yes" to it?

Wake Forest is a place I know I’d fit in and love. Wake Forest is a place where I am “kind of” known. I mean, I do not know everyone there but three people on faculty know my family, and I know some students who attend. I know that Wake would stretch me and I would grow, but I also know I’d still be in my comfort zone a bit. Wake is a place where I know I could make my degree my own, have wonderful internship opportunities in NYC, take some law classes, and learn from some of the same people my dad did. (If I end up at Wake, I cannot wait until I turn a paper into Tupper early and he say, “You are Ross Brummett’s daughter turning something in early?!” J ) But, at Wake a part of the downside is that I am known. I think at Carson Newman I’ve always wondered did I get to where I am because of my dad’s help and the fact I was a “faculty kid” or on my own merit? Was I able to excel at CNC because it was comfortable and I wasn’t afraid to jump right in? I really don’t want to have those same questions at Wake. But, one of the things I love at Wake is the fact of the intimate community there which I had experienced at CNC for not only the past 4 years but the past 21, almost 22 years. Wake has great strengths, and I see myself there because in Wake I see the things I loved most at CNC.

I ultimately want to live a life where I make a difference. I wane to live a life where I don’t preach saying we need to help the poor, but I become one with the poor. I want to know those whom I minister to. I want to build community. I want to be a part of the reconciliation and restoration of the Church. I want to live a life pleasing to God. I want these next three years to continue to be transformative. I want to increase my knowledge as well as increase my ability to minister well. I want to be able to trust the inner voice within me, and when I finally decide know I made the right choice for me.

Please pray with me and for me these next days and weeks until April 1^st when I must decide. On March 15^th I have a critical interview with Wake Forest about a fellowship, and around that day I should be hearing from Princeton as well about finances. It is funny because before coming to Africa I wanted to get so far away from everyone’s opinions and thoughts on grad school because I felt stifled. Yet now that I am thousands of miles away from my community of support, I long for that stifled feeling again. I know, however, that it is good I am here making this decision because I know when I decide the decision will be mine. I hope and pray it will be a decision in which I am strong enough to trust the voice within as I continue to move down the lit path.

Exciting Opportunity in Ocean View

Monday night I attended a planning meeting for a Women’s Rally being held in Ocean View on March 20^th. Sarah Prince, an amazing minister and friend here felt an extreme burden for the women here in Ocean View and prayed for God to open doors and reveal what she could do about it. Hence, the idea of a Women’s Rally. At this rally we are focusing upon empowering women, bringing them together to fight domestic violence, and showing them they are of worth!! The rally is the jumping off point for Women’s Groups that will begin in Ocean View following the rally. Monday night as we gathered, discussed, and prayed, God stirred in me multiple thoughts about the reality of the situation.

Women are daily abused in Ocean View by husbands, boyfriends, and lovers. I see this abuse on the streets so I can’t begin to imagine what goes on behind closed doors. After a man hits a woman she feels like she is of no worth. Yet, she stays. This is not only true in Ocean View but throughout the entire world. As we met Monday night our hearts yearn for these women, for all women, to realize they are of worth. We are each created in the image of God. We do not need a man, be he abusive or not, to complete us. But we are all made complete in Christ. As I sat in the room discussing the Women’s Rally, my heart ached for women who are in domestic abuse situations. My heart ached for women who are forced to submission. My heart ached for our great misunderstanding of Paul’s words about submission. My heart ached most for friends back home who’s worth is in their relationship. Now, I do not have much room to speak because I once was that girl. My worth was found in whether or not I was dating or what guy was into me. But NO! We are worth so much more than that!! God did not create women to be silent or to be forced to submission. God did not create relationships to be places where the male dominates over the female. I really feel God wants us to be in relationships where both people compliment one another but do not complete the other. For I am finding in Ocean View as well as with others I know, it is when a woman thinks her completeness is only found in the man that problems arise. I hope and pray that on March 20^th will be a day where the women of Ocean View can come together and begin to realize their worth. I hope and pray that I along with them will continue to realize my worth in Christ. I hope and pray that March 20^th is a day which begins a renewal for the wonderful women in Ocean View.

Just a few stories...

Throughout my time here, I hear stories of things that occur within the townships. As I hear these stories my heart aches and the shock is evident from my face. Yet those who tell the stories have lost the shock factor. Their hearts still ached, but stories like these are so commonplace that these stories are life, not an exception to normalcy. As I share some of these stories I do not share them to scare you but instead share them for you to realize the reality of those who I’m working with.

First, this past week we discussed Human Trafficking in Kids Clubs. We did this because Human Trafficking is a reality in South Africa and is becoming a greater threat with the World Cup drawing near. On Friday at LSE training, each team shared what they did to begin explaining to the children Human Trafficking. As the Massai team shared they noted that as they spoke children began weeping because one little boy who had been missing from club for about 2 weeks was trafficked. A man came into the township telling the boy he’d take him to the store to buy an ice cream. Now the boy hasn’t been seen for 2 weeks. Human trafficking is a reality here.

Second, a girl that attends Teen Club in Ocean View confided in an LSE that her best friend has been getting paid by her uncle to sleep with him. Her friend has a mother who is a dead-beat and has little brothers and sisters to look after. With the weight of life on her shoulders to provide for her siblings, she is selling her 13 year old body to this 30 year old man. The friend who confided in Meagan feels terribly responsible for what happened. She feels so guilty that her friend is now sleeping with her uncle she ran away. No one has seen or heard from her since Thursday.

Third, Melissa, an LSE I work with who quickly became a friend finally opened up how her brother died. He was walking home from a friend’s house one night and got caught being in the wrong part of Ocean View at the wrong time. He walked into a gang fight without realizing it and was stabbed to death. He had no affiliation with either gang but became their target one dreadful night. He had child who is now fatherless. He had a family who loved him. He had a mother who became so distraught after his death that she died 6 months later. Within a 6-month span Melissa lost both her brother and mother before she was even 16. The saddest part about this is that Melissa isn’t the only one. This happens every day in Ocean View.

Fourth, the 10-12 years I work with in Ocean View are addicted to meth and marijuana. Not all of the children but many of them have tried and gotten hooked on these drugs. Why? In their homes their parents are using. If their parents aren’t using then their older siblings are usually using and/ or selling. My naïve self doesn’t even know what a marijuana plant looks like yet these 10-12 years old come to Kids Club high sometimes.

Fifth, at youth at Capricorn on Friday a boy was horsing around and hit his head so hard on the concrete that he began convulsing. The leaders called his foster mom to tell her what occurred, and she took him to the hospital. But, the problem is that they don’t have health insurance and many hospitals here don’t even see patients without health insurance. So as far as we know, this little boy could have been convulsing in the waiting room, going in and out of consciousness but because his foster family cannot afford food let alone insurance, he possibly went without help Friday night.

These stories and more are common place here. I know that stories like this exist all around the world, including Jefferson City. These stories, however, are on such a grand scale here. As I hear story after story, I pray that my heart does not become numb to it all. I pray that I do not become so overwhelmed with the magnitude of it all that I stop seeking justice because I see justice as being too great a challenge to reach. I pray that as I continue to hear, see and experience these stories that the power of God continues to overwhelm me. For every tragedy faced here makes the glory of God so much sweeter. Jesus is the only steadfast hope here these people have to hold on to. Praise God they have hope in Christ unlike any I’ve ever seen or experienced.

Listening to the Echos

This week I read the book, The Echo Within by Robert Benson. (If you have not read this book, stop right now, go find it/buy it, come back read this blog and then read the book. Seriously, the book is that good!) Ok, well as you can gather, I loved this book. The ideas Benson presents are thoughts and ideas I’ve been feeling for quite some time. Every free minute I had on Wednesday I read this book. I wanted to soak it all up. One thing Benson spoke on has really been with me all week as I’ve gone throughout ministry here which I wish to share.

A theme throughout this book is that different people and experiences ignite the echo within us, and it is in those moments that God uses them for us to see our true vocation and calling. The key is what we do with those moments. Now Benson notes that God is not a puppeteer and we are merely God’s puppets, but we have choice. But no matter what choices we choose those key moments and events help shape us into becoming the person God created us to be as God breathed unique life into each of us. As I read all of this, I pondered key events and moments in my life. As I reflected, I realized that each of these moments have gotten me to this exact point. I’ve been telling my parents over and over again that this is the right time for me to be in Cape Town. I could not have come earlier and had a peace like this. So what are some of those moments in my life?

1. My family. When God breathed life into me God knew that he was giving life to a little girl who would be raised by some of the finest disciples he had. It has not been until I reached college that I’ve come to realize what a blessing it has been that I am Ross and Lea Ann’s daughter. The fact that I was raised in a home with a theologian is a blessing especially now as I want to study in that same field. The fact that I was raised in a home by a lady who knows what it means to be a friend to others is a joy. Every time a person tells me I love people well, I say, “I learned from my mother.” The fact that I was raised in a home where community and love for others was stressed daily is something I am beyond thankful for. Every conversation had at the dinner table, laughter shared, trials discussed, and tears cried with my parents has helped shape me. As I reflect upon some of those conversations it is only now that I am realizing the significance. I was raised in a home where I was encouraged to follow the beauty of my dreams. WHAT A GIFT!

2. Passport camps. When I finished 7^th grade, the preacher at Passport was Eileen Campbell Reed. This was the first experience I ever had hearing a woman pastor and WOW. I knew in that moment hearing her speak that God called amazing women to preach and a BAPTIST woman at that! In 10^th grade at Passport, I heard the echo within saying “You are called Molly Matthews Brummett to ministry. Go. Go serve in Africa. Go where I send you.” As I heard this, I could not comprehend what those words meant, but I began to surrender to God as only a 15 year old knows how. Then working the summer of 2008, at the end of camp Colleen Walker Burroughs came to end camp with us. In our end discussion of the summer she told me, “Molly, you have the gifts of a pastor.” She probably does not remember saying that, but God using her to speak that truth into me was just another instance where my ears were opened to continue to listen to the voice within.

3. My D.C. semester. I went thinking I would be interning for the organization I wanted to work for for my entire life. Instead, God slammed that door and my face and said, “Stop being so dense….be bold. Continue to follow the call. Go serve. Go minister.” In those life changing, life altering, overwhelming moments, I knew that my experience in DC would forever change the course of my life. Not only did I realize law was not supposed to be my full-time profession although I know law and the continued study of law/policy can only be a blessing and aid in my ministry, but I had the blessing of finding a church community. While in DC, Calvary Baptist rocked my world. It was a place where I saw the Church BEING the BODY OF CHRIST!! It was a place where all were welcome. It was a place where I learned each Sunday from an amazing Baptist, female pastor. It was a place where Calvary was in the community and serving it. It was an intentional place. It was a place where I knew my heart longed to be. It was a place where I heard the voice within saying, “this…this is ministry. Invest your life in things like this.”

4. My years in counseling. (Now this is a disclaimer, if you think you have everything together or if you feel like your life is falling a part…go to counseling. Counseling makes you see life in a whole new light. Seriously, get rid of the stigma you have around counseling, suck up your pride, and make an appointment. It only enhances the life Christ created you to lead….really.) Every session with Bob in high school were moments where God worked. I learned how different situations and hurts shaped me. I learned the power in forgiveness. I learned the power in standing up for myself. I learned that we all have our quirks. I learned that all the quirks within creation shows what an amazing, creative, beautiful God we have! With my sessions with Emily I allowed myself to see that my completeness came in Christ. I realized that I am a strong, independent woman and that is a wonderful thing not a hindrance. I realized that God continues to have great things in store as long as I will but keep walking. I learned that I am not a normal 21 year old, and I should not boast in that but I should rejoice in knowing God breathed life into me 21 years ago knowing that I would not be “normal” but Molly.

5. The World AIDS Day Service. Now you must know the back story in order to understand the full story. Back story: while working camp in 2008 in the gym where we had worship in New Orleans, God whispered into my heart, “Molly…GO…go do something for Africa…go do something for Africa while raising awareness at CNC…you are unlike anyone at CNC who has the unique relationships between faculty, students and staff since you were raised there…trust…GO.” Now at the time, I really had no idea what that was going to look like, but I knew it meant something. Fast forward to the fall of 2009 as I am now president of Global Outreach on campus. One job of GO is that we have the World AIDS Day Chapel as our chapel to do what we would like. Now we tried getting multiple speakers and they all fell through, and it was getting down to the wire. Then I thought…wait, Molly…you do it. Plan an intentional worship service around World AIDS Day chapel. So as I planned and prayed I had no idea what would come of the service and how students would react to the prayer experience and how they would react to the stories we share. But in the moments that I stood and spoke in FBC, I felt a peace from God like never before. In that moment I knew that this was my calling. This chapel was a time where God’s faithfulness was revealed. This was a time I will always look back upon and remember at what it means to hear the inner voice within and follow it, even when the path is not clear. As I finished speaking, I sat down and my mom was right there who surprised me and came. With tears in her eyes she smiled and said, “I witnessed your first sermon. I am so happy.” And in that moment, I knew God was thinking the exact same thing.

6. John Thomas’ words at the Team House this summer in Cape Town. Now The entire time we were here this summer we kept on hearing about John and Avril the pastor and wife who started Living Hope. One night of our time this summer, they actually came for dinner and after eating Nadine’s wonderful food, John shared. As he was telling the story of Living Hope and his journey to start it, I began weeping. I began weeping because here was a man putting words to the desires of my heart. Here was a man who was trying to live out the whole gospel. Here was a man doing with his life what I hope to one day do similarly with mine. As I sat weeping in those moments, I knew my heart was in Cape Town. I knew that those tears were saying more to me than what I even realized. It has only been with time and continued time that I will fully begin to realize what all it means. But I do know that night when John quoted Luke 4:18-19 that God was speaking directly to me. That passage of scripture had been on my heart for some time and as I understood it, got at the heart of Christ’s message. The words Christ spoke are words I felt he was encouraging us to live out as well. So as John spoke those words, I knew God was in that moment.

Now here I am back in Cape Town, back in a place where I feel the entire gospel is being attempted to be lived out. Here I am in a place where these different experiences I’ve shared have shaped me into who God created me to be. Here I am still open, willing and desiring to continue to grow more into, Molly Matthews Brummett. Here I am praying that my ears will never become deaf to the voice within. Here I am hoping that I never plan my life so rigidly that I am not open to the voice of God and how God speaks. Here I am. But where are you along your journey? As you read this, I encourage you to think about key moments and events in your life that have shaped you; moments in which the voice within speaks and you respond as you try to live out your calling. I leave you with these words from Benson, words I hope try daily to live out, “Our search for our calling us leads us to listen deep within ourselves, hoping to hear the echo within, hoping to ungarble and understand the incarnate words spoken into us, hoping to discover how to live into and out of the echo of that word as it resounds within. But we are not meant to stay within ourselves forever. We are meant to be given away, to sound out our word in the world, to give it to others.”

Reflections from a Hard Day

Today was by far my hardest day here. I am on my third week and the reality that Cape Town is not merely a mission trip but life for the next few months hit. Due to some other circumstances as well piling up, I felt a great heaviness all day. This morning I responded to an email my Dad sent. I hope by sharing the response I sent him you will continue to see more of my heart and journey here.

Thanks for the attachment dad!! It really meant a lot...made me tear up a bit. Today is a hard day for some reason. I think I'm just overwhelmed with this WAIT interview now; the weight of being here/all the sadness/brokenness/poverty; and realizing that this is becoming my home. It is my home yet it will be yet another place where I have peace and joy then must leave. In my journey of life I seem to have lots of times where I go follow God, and experience new things that challenge me, mold me and grow me, but I am never there long enough to plant deep roots.( i.e.-camp, college, DC, here.) But, I'm still trusting because that's faith, right? Trusting when you do not see? Trusting when it is hard. Daily picking up your cross, leaving everything behind, disowning yourself and following Christ wherever He leads. Oh the journey...so joyous yet so tiring at times

Monday's Questions

Ever since childhood, I’ve asked questions. My parents instilled in me the importance of asking questions and not always taking things for face value. Especially since college, my father encouraged me to “faith think” as my faith grew into my own. Well, since being in Cape Town, I’ve been faith thinking and questioning like never before. Here is a snapshot of some…

1. What is going to happen to the children who left Kids Club without a meal today? Today at Kids Club, the food deliverers forgot to bring bread and fruit for the children. After waiting 30 minutes after club for the food to arrive, the went away with empty stomachs. My heart wrenched as they went away because I know many of them are going to bed on a completely empty stomach that has been empty since Friday. Why? Why are they starving and I have never once wondered where my next meal will come from? Why do they never know what it feels like to be full, yet I gorged myself with sweets this weekend? What would happen if we Americans stopped being the “obese nation” and learned how to share some food? Would the next generation of children not have to go hungry?

2. What is going to happen to Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather tonight? A part of my ministry here is that every Monday morning the teenage prostitutes of Ocean View come to the Ocean View office and hang out with us. We play games, laugh, enjoy a snack, and build friendships. Today was the first day where girls showed up, and it was a WONDERFUL time. They taught me their version of pool, and I learned all the tricks of winning dominos. Mokes, Cheyenne and Heather laughed at my attempts to pronounce Afrikaans words, and I loved making them smile. For two hours, these girls were able to act their age: 16. Yet, when they left they were headed to the street to sell their bodies in order to make money to feed their siblings. When I was 16 I worried myself over making straight As, I had no worries over whether or not a man would pick me up so I wouldn’t starve that night. So tonight I wonder, where are Mokes, Cheyenne, and Heather? Are they with an unfamiliar man? Are they hungry? Are they scared? I wonder how can they begin to understand the love of God when they equate love with paid sex? Yet again, I wonder why? Why am I the lucky one? Why am I able to keep my innocence and not them? Why?

3. How can the same God who created such a beautiful creation allow such devastation to be present within God’s creation? The natural beauty here is unlike any other I’ve ever seen, yet the devastation overwhelms this place. Why is poverty, homelessness, trash, impoverished and broken people the norm? Perhaps WE are to blame? Perhaps it is the lack of Christians taking up our crosses and following Christ into the devastation to redeem and restore?

4. Am I here out of selfish desires? Is my motive for wanting to come back and serve truly selfless? Did I come fully wanting to help or was part of my motive wanting the “experience”?

These questions and more consume me right now, but I am getting okay with the questions…I just pray to God that God will give me the strength to ask the right questions as I continue my journey here

I'm a PUBLISHED writer, now.

This week I had the privilege to write two articles for the DAD newsletter Living Hope sends out for its Dollar a Day Campaign. As you read these, I hope you to continue to get insight into my experiences and thoughts while here.

Article 1:

When you immediately think of the DAD program, thoughts probably drift towards Kids and Teens Clubs in the townships as well as Life Skills being taught throughout different schools in Muizenburg, Ocean View, and Massai. One thing your mind may not think to immediately is the amazing opportunity the Teens Team has this term at Valley Land High School in Fish Hoek.

Valley Land is a private Christian School in Fish Hoek where different students come to find refuge after they have either been expelled or held back due to difficult circumstances in public schools. The first day I walked into Valley Land I did not know what to expect. The students are definitely different from those I interact with in the townships because they are from middle to upper class, and upon appearance they look more like me. But quickly, as we were running the program, I realized the needs of these teenagers are just as real as the teenagers within the townships. Questions they would ask and stories they would share like wanting to own a strip club showed me how they deal with issues and questions in life just like the teens in the townships. They are dealing with substance abuse and broken families. They are dealing with uncertainty and are longing to find wholeness and hope as only Christ can give.

As I left Valley Land, emotion overwhelmed me at the wide impact that Living Hope and the Life Skills Education department have on the children and teens of Cape Town. When I arrived here as a volunteer, I expected to be ministering to those I’d encounter in the townships, but I had no idea I’d get to minister to an entirely different group of South African teenagers. That fact is what makes Living Hope so special. Living Hope gets the Gospel that is presented before each of us. We are to share the love of Christ with all people no matter their background or socio-economic status and through that love, give them a hope and peace that surpasses all understanding. If you were like me before I came here, you may not have even realized the wide array of people your DAD support is touching, helping and healing.

Article 2:

“Compassion is sometimes the fatal capacity for feeling what it is like to live inside somebody else's skin. It is the knowledge that there can never really be any peace and joy for me until there is peace and joy finally for you too.”

--Frederick Buechner

These past two weeks as I serve alongside the LSEs at Ocean View, I continue to witness the compassion Frederick Buechner defines. The LSEs I am privileged to work with are living out this quote with their lives. They fully understand that though they are in similar situations as many of the children and teens they minister to, until there is peace and joy for everyone in Ocean View then there can never really be peace and joy for the LSEs either. I am touched each day as I watch Melissa love on and comfort the little children that run around at her feet. I am moved when I see Alistar make the ten-year old boys smile as they swap stories. My heart overflows with joy as Julie and Jessica lead the children in worship and smiles cover everyone’s face.

Every day as we walk to club amidst the sand, dirt, wind and heat, I look at all the LSEs who daily give themselves to this community, and I am reminded of Christ. Throughout his ministry, Christ walked from place to place, person to person, changing lives and showing compassion and love. Christ, better then anyone else, knew that until there was peace and joy for the entire world, there would never really be peace and joy for him. Your support of the DAD program helps these LSEs be Christ to the children and teens of Ocean View. Not only does your support help in that regard, but it is helping an American volunteer learn a wonderful lesson on what compassion really looks like as I witness it each day from the LSEs.